holy crap, I'm pregnant! - Beginnings

Yes there is a baby and yes this blog will continue! -- Just need some sleep first...

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:23:51 -0600

Hi!

I recently recieved a comment asking about the status of the blog and the baby. I replied — at length — and then realised I should just post the reply here!

Here is what I wrote:

I haven’t forgotten about the blog, and I probably should have made some post stating as much by now — but being a Dad is extremely time consuming! Who would have thought? :P I am so busy between baby and work and people constantly coming by and just trying to get some bloody REST that I haven’t had the time to even consider writing.

Well, that’s not true. I considered it.

I just spent all my spare moments vegetating…

Never fear! I will be back soon!! The steady stream of visitors has finally lulled!!!!

Look for several posts in the near future detailing the trials and tribulations and overt freakouts that followed the last post. Be here for the emotional displays! Be here for the tons and TONS of baby pics that I STILL CAN’T STOP TAKING!! Be here for the lack… of… sleep……….. !

And thanks to Kae for kicking me in the ass about this!

Boys, Girls, and Crazy Monkey Babies...

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 11:19:00 -0600

The other day, Robin and a friend (who is also pregnant) were messaging each other on Facebook. Robin had mentioned she had heartburn, and that she was getting it fairly often. Her friend responds thus:

“oohh, heart-burn, they say that means your baby will have a load of hair! No bald babies for Bin & Bobby.”

My response to this statement is…eh? Seriously….. eh??

I really don’t get the relationship. I mean, I was a hairy baby — as Robin was so kind to point out to her friend… on Facebook. As a matter of fact, my mother had me convinced until I was eight years old that I was born covered with thick hair — covered everywhere, that is, except for a bald patch on my chest in the shape of an M… for Monkey. Yeah yeah, laugh it up… Anyway, all that hair fell out. And apparently continued to fall out — have you seen my pictures from the last couple years? I can still grow the stuff, but let’s be honest shall we? I am just glad my mother was dilligent in turning me when I was a baby. I have a nice round head that looks good shaven.

But I digress…

The point of this ramble is this: What could heartburn in the mother possilbly have to do with the amount of hair on the the baby — the kind that falls out quickly or otherwise? Isn’t that stuff handled by genetics? I am pretty sure it is… And I believe in magic and unicorns and such. Oh, and dragons. Lots of dragons…

I did some research, and myths such as this one abound. There are tons of them — with multiple variations that often contradict each other and vary by the teller. Most are surrounding the preeminent mystery that is the sex of the baby. The conclusion of my research? Well, I think that people just think they are fun and want to be involved. I can’t blame them. The whole thing is one of life’s great mysteries. It’s nutty! I did have one major epiphany though:

Regarding the sex of the baby…

I think there’s a 50-50 chance.

Anyhoo, read and you will find a small list of some of the different myths I have come across, with the obligatory commentary by me, of course — you didn’t think I would pass up a chance to voice my opinion, did you?

(http://www.pregnancy-info.net/wives_tales_and_myths.html - this is one of the many sites I looked at, and one of the most comprehensive. The info below comes from them.)

Carrying High, Carrying Low
The way you are carrying during your pregnancy is one of the most oft cited ways of determining the sex of your baby. The general story goes that, if you’re carrying low, you’re having a boy. If you are carrying high, then you must be having a girl. Science says “NO, NO, NO!” to this: the way you carry is determined by muscle and uterine tone as well as the position of your baby. But who’s to say that boys don’t like being lower in their mom’s stomach while girls prefer a view from the top?

(I almost buy this one. It’s up there with boys being made of snails and puppy dog tails…)

What Your Urine Says
This next test to determine a baby’s sex may not be for everyone, although it is very simple. Just take a sample of your urine and mix it with Drano. Depending on the color change of your urine, you will have a boy or a girl. Unfortunately, there is no consensus on what color equals which sex. So, if you do decided to try this and your urine turns bluish yellow, brownish, brown, black or blue you will be having a boy. If your urine looks more greenish brown, green, blue or doesn’t change at all, then you’re having a girl. But be warned: if you decide to do this test, there could be some pretty harsh fumes produced - not to mention the possibility of an explosion!

(Ok… my opinion of this is WTF?)

Heartbeats
One belief that has been around for some time, and even had some acceptance in the medical community at one point, is that the fetal heartbeat differs for boys and girls. If you’re having a girl, then the fetal heart rate will be above 140. A boy will have a heart rate below 140. However, that pesky science has reared its little head again to say that this is complete fiction. A baby’s heart rate is not affected by its sex until it is born, when a girl’s heart rate will increase considerably compared with boys during labor.

(Well, if this one wasn’t proven wrong, we would -definitely- be having a girl…)

Craving Something…Sweet?
Many people believe that your cravings are caused by the sex of your baby. So, if you can’t get enough chocolate, you could be having a girl. Does the idea of drinking straight lemon juice sound delicious to you? Then those sour cravings are a result of the little boy inside of you. However, if you go by the scientists, then some of them will claim that you’re not even having cravings because cravings just don’t exist.

(Cravings don’t exist??? Now -that-, you science freaks, is a load of crap! I have -seeeen- the terrible call of the craving! I know it’s might! It successfully sends me to the store when I am relaxing!! You are -insane- science freaks!!! INSANE I TELL YOU!!!! — and Robin has been craving chocolate lately…)

Weight Gain
Thankfully, this one doesn’t refer to your weight gain. The belief is that, if your husband puts on weight during your pregnancy, then you will be having a girl. If he doesn’t put on a pound, then you’re carrying a boy.

(Well, so far, all signs were pointing girl — until now. Robin is convinced, in fact, that I have been -losing- weight. Figure that out! ooooooooooooooo… )

Is Her Face Round and Full?
Some say that the shape and fullness of your face during pregnancy can indicate your baby’s sex. Every woman gains weight differently during pregnancy, and every woman experiences different skin changes. If people tell you that because your face is round and rosy you are having a girl, they might be right - but it’s just as likely that they are wrong!

(A friend of ours gained a fair amount in the face — definitely rounder — and she just had an untrasound that proves it is a boy. One more point for ambiguity!)

At-Home Tests

Here’s a test that you can do next time you change or get out of the bath. Look in the mirror at your breasts. If the right one is larger, you’re having a boy! A larger left breast indicates a girl (if they’re the same size, does that mean you’re having one of each?). (*blinks*)

Hold a pendant over your hand. If the necklace swings back and forth, you’re having a boy. If it is more of a circular motion, then it’s a girl. This can also be done by suspending a ring on a string above your belly. (This one sounds… neat. Like dousing for water or something. I won’t count it out…)

Do you have acne? Some believe that getting acne during your pregnancy indicates you’re carrying a girl. Maybe the acne is caused by twice the amount of female hormones? (What do think Robin? Girl, again?)

Pick up a key. If you’ve picked it up by the thinner end, you’re having a girl. Picking it up by the bottom, rounder part means a boy is on the way. Did you pick it up by the middle? Then congratulations! You’re having twins! (Ok, this one just seems random…)

Ask yourself what you think you’re having. In a study that asked women with no previous knowledge about their baby’s sex, the moms-to-be correctly guessed the sex of their baby 71% of the time. (Robin seems confused by this one — she’s had dreams of both. Sometimes she leans one way, then the other. What’s your gut (*chuckles*) say, baby?)

Other Pregnancy Beliefs (Ok, I’m just going to blink at these ones… *blinks*)

If you hold your arms above your head, your baby’s umbilical cord will get wrapped around its head and choke it. This myth may have a spiritual basis or it may have been a way to keep women from doing anything when they were pregnant (perhaps the myth was created by an overworked mother?). However, if your baby gets caught up in its umbilical cord (which happens in about a 1/3 of births) it is because your baby was very fidgety inside of you and moved around a lot, not because of you.

Similar to this is the belief in Hawaiian tradition that pregnant women should not wear leis. This folktale believed that wearing a lei would cause the umbilical cord to wrap around the baby’s head and choke it. Nowadays, most people recognize that this folktale is a little over-the-top.

A pregnant woman should not take baths. This myth is routed in the belief that water can get into the vagina and thereby introduce bacteria to the baby. Scientists have proven that water does not enter a woman’s vagina during a bath. In fact, baths will probably help pregnant women feel better by helping them relax.

Can You Determine the Sex of Your Baby Before it is Even Conceived? (Personally, I find this a bit silly — I think people put much to much importance on having one or the other. Yes, I know there are cultural dealies involved, but honestly, people should just be happy with whatever little miracle they are blessed with.)

There are old wives tales that dictate what you should do to increase your chances of conceiving a girl or a boy, depending on what you want. And modern science is even getting itself involved in this one. There are books that will tell you the best time during your ovulation cycle to conceive a girl or a boy. As mentioned above, people are turning to popular books such as How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby. There are also kits that come with charts, thermometers and vitamins to help create the “ideal” environment to produce a particular sex.

And then there are older methods based in Chinese lore that are said to aid in the sex selection. If you are really determined to have a girl or a boy, you can even have a scientist create the correct sexed zygote to implant inside of you. With the exception of the scientist who manipulates your fertilized egg, none of these methods can definitely determine the sex of your baby.

However, the Chinese birth chart is a very popular calendar used by many women not only to increase their changes of conceiving a girl or boy, but also to predict the sex of baby who is already conceived. This is so popular, in fact, that you can now load a Chinese birth chart onto your palm pilot with Heybaby software. This fun application also comes with an extensive list of old wives tales that you’re sure to find entertaining.

Well, there you have it folks… make of them what you will. Me? I’m just going to have some fun with the anticipation of it all!

The Good, the Bad, and the Bobby

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 15:29:58 -0700

Well now… this is where I ask myself:

Do I really want to transfer all of my bad habits to my child?

Seriously. I do some pretty screwy things!

Granted, I don’t drink or do any crazy drugs or smoke or anything like that — but those aren’t the only bad habits in the world. I curse a blue streak, for example. This is a habit I picked up from my mother — although, to be fair, she also instilled in me, very vigorously, the concepts of “a time and place for everything” and “do as I say, not as i do”, which resulted in adults often telling her I was a very polite child — which I was. And am. Unless the situation calls for otherwise. So maybe that isn’t such a bad thing, cursing a blue streak… As long as it is tempered with good sense.

The kid is going to learn the “language” from other kids anyway. And from televsion — and the radio too, nowadays. Don’t even get me started on the interweb. I mean, I was swearing in at least 5 different languages or more by the time I was 9 — and my mother only speaks the one.

So maybe swearing isn’t such a big deal. I’ll just try and temper myself a bit, and attempt to teach the kid good sense.

Good.

Glad we got that covered.

Now what about these other things…?

What about more insidious things like my tendency to get caught up with what I am doing to the exclusion of all else — even food? Do I really want my kid to learn that? On the one hand, it can be a good thing. It is a focus that is able to really bring about a conclusion to a project — if the obsessive nature of that focus doesn’t burn you out first. Helped me get the job I have now. Helped me keep the job I have now. Helped me with many other things as well — but it also caused me to burn out on things prematurely and sometimes not finish what I started. And let’s face it, forgetting to eat… not good!

Robin gets on my case about that. I can’t blame her, really. She loves me you know… And it certainly doesn’t help your cause when you are so focused on getting something done that you forget to fuel your brain and end up either making mistakes, or at the very least, making things take longer because you can’t think straight. I am still searching for the middle ground here myself — so how do I teach that to my kid? And what about the 50,000 or so other bad habits and potential bad habits that I’ve got going on? I think I’m a good man — but I want my kid to be a better person than me!

Honestly… this being a role model thing kinda sucks.

But it’s is so bloody important!!!

And where do I leave off pushing these values and whatnot onto the kid? Where do I stop and just let the kid figure things out for him or herself? I have been told I have natural paternal instinct and that I do well with kids and whatever, but seriously… what the hell?

My answer thus far is just continue to try to improve upon myself and try to teach the kid good sense. I think judgement is key.

That’s all I got, man.

That’s it.

And for those of you who are only here for the belly shots and could care less about my whining — this here’s for you:

And, for good measure…

Here’s a pic of my puppies:

Enjoy.

It has a heartbeat!! IT'S ALIIIIIIIVE!!!!!!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 00:52:36 -0600

Tonight, I was going to write the 2nd installment of The Sickness,
as I am still trying to catch the blog up to the actual current
happenings of the pregnancy — but I couldn’t. Today was too
exciting!!! All of you out there who were waiting with baited breath to
see how poor Robin fared with her sickness upon sickness and overall
general discomfort (and I am sure there were a few of you… ), I’m
sorry. You will have to wait.

Why?

Because today was OBGYN day!!!

It
was our first appointment, and Robin was just passed 12 weeks — which
means there was a good chance of hearing the baby’s heartbeat.

Sooooo exciting!

What’s the big deal, you ask? Come ON, man!! We could hear the baby. While it is still this tiny little thing the size of a lime… while it is still inside of her… While…

So freakin’ cool.

So last night we were like a couple of kids waiting for Christmas — or whatever holiday you may engage in that requires you to wait an entire night

before opening a bunch of presents. We couldn’t sleep. Oh, it came in fits and starts, sure, but I am sure you know how that goes. We got up, skipped breakfast, and headed right to the doctor’s office. By the time we got there, we were a little more settled. After all, this wasn’t to be all fun and games… there were questions and forms and… PAP smears. Robin had told me previously that the OBGYN came highly recommended; apparently, we were lucky to get referred to him. Ask any woman, though, and she will tell you — a PAP smear is no fun. At all. And for me… I had developed a fear that I might be expected to be there while it happened…

Ohhh dread!

We watched as the other patients came and went from the inner offices… none seemed the worse for wear. We were momentarily troubled, however, when it became apparent that the young woman who was calling the patients in — and was wearing a stethoscope — was not, in fact, a nurse. She was an intern.

Dun Dun DUNNNNNNNNNNN!

There was now an additional unknown to this equation. Would she be the one performing everything? Was she competent? Is… she going to sit there and watch? We put it out of our minds. Certainly, everything would be fine…

Honestly, I think Robin had an easier time of it than I did — but I can’t speak for her. I am pretty sure that my over-active imagination simply collided with the newness of everything, and the lingering effects of my previous excitement.

~~When our turn came to be called in became quickly apparent that I was, most definitely, a drama queen… er, king?~~

When our turn came to be called in, it became quickly apparent that I was being overdramatic. nods The intern turned out to be very nice — and quite competent insofar as I could tell. She asked us both many questions about our respective health history, as well as that of our families. I had thought I was prepared for this, but I promptly blanked out on a few key issues concerning my family. I have the information now and will have to call it in, but I felt a bit silly at the time.

When the questions were finished, the doctor and his intern invited us to come to the other room so we could continue — I think I froze a bit inside and it must have shown on my face, because, when I asked, ever so casually, if they were going to do the PAP test now and, if so, was I supposed to come along, I was greeted with amused looks and gently told "no". I think the doctor even laughed at me a bit! "No," they said. They wanted to see if they could hear the baby’s heartbeat — after that I could wait outside…

I won’t lie.

I was relieved.

Ohhh, don’t get me wrong, I intend to be in therefore the birth and all that, but there are some things a guy just doesn’t need to see. And before you ladies start (continue…?) scoffing at me, let me ask you this: When was the last time you went with your man/husband/boyfriend/father/friend to watch him get a prostate exam?

Hmmmm?

That’s what I thought.

Moving on…

As Robin got up on the table and things got started, I learned two things:

That the heartbeat might not be easy to find at our current stage in the pregnancy. And…
That the baby I had been talking to and kissing good night these past several weeks, was not anywhere near where I thought it was — it was actually much… lower.

Yeah.

When I mentioned it to my mother later, she laughed at me and said I should have been able to figure that one out… Thanks mom.

I was pretty disappointed that we might not get to hear the heartbeat, and more so when they seemed to be having a lot of trouble finding it. It was really starting to look like it wasn’t going to happen. I was surprised at how much I really wanted to hear it — and now! I didn’t want to wait for a month! I didn’t want to wait for a week — or an hour! I wanted…

Why was it so important to me anyway?

I was thinking about this and battling my disappointment when… it happened.

The doctor stepped in to show the intern a "trick" with the instrument (it’s called a fetal doppler, I believe) that involved angling the sensor higher than you would normally think to, and there it was. This wonderful, beautiful rhythm… a strong and steady cadence of sound. So fast. So… tiny.

That was my baby.

My baby.

My baby.

It hit me in a rush of emotion and clarity. I knew why it was so important to me. It was confirmation. There was now no room for any doubt whatsoever. No chance that it might be some fluke of the body fooling itself into a false pregnancy. No chance that something horrible had happened before this point. No chance that it was anything other than what it was.

My baby.

I thank God, the Universe, Allah, and any and all other conceptions of a higher power for that moment.

I will never forget it.

So I'm having a baby... Now what?

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 12:42:31 -0600

While the first thing I experienced may have been joy — mad, passionate, unadulterated joy — this was quickly followed by an overpowering and extremely urgent new thought:

I need a new job.

Baby’s cost money, man! Anybody can tell you so… And my current job simply was not going to cut it. There were bills to pay, debt to consider, baby classes, LaMas, baby yoga or other excercise, maternity clothes, food, diapers, car seats, strollers, cribs, diapers — did I say diapers? — daycare, moving (no way was a baby going to fit in our basement suite), baby clothes, toys, University — by the time the kid is ready to go to university, it ought to cost as much as buying a house — and what about buying a house??? Holy hell, what about the cost of other kids!?!?!!?

*insert mini panic attack here*

All of this took place in a matter of seconds, still in the doctor’s office, holding my wife’s hand while the doctor jabbered on about…something. I think it was vitamins… folic acid or something. I took a breath, slapped myself mentally a few times, and forced myself back to the present. It was utterly amazing to me how my train of thought jumped so far and so intently into the future. This had never happened before, not to this extent. When I first met Robin, one of the reasons I knew we were meant to be together was by a sudden shifting of consciousness, a realisation that I was no longer thinking about the next week, or the next month, or even the next couple of years. I was thinking about my life with her and my life in general in terms of at least 5 to 10 years in the future. I was making real plans — concrete ones. This was huge! Discovering we were going to have a baby was was pretty much the same thing — but on steroids. And this was only the first of many mini attacks since. My mother once actually had to forcibly remind me that the baby won’t be here tomorrow. We had time.

But I’m getting a bit ahead of myself…

You see, it wasn’t like Robin and I weren’t ready — entirely… We had talked often about having a baby in the near future, but, until a few months before the wedding, we had (mostly) decided that we wanted to pay our debt down first. Especially since the last job I had completely screwed me.

It hurt too.

I loved that job.

I was working as a marketing manager and business consultant for an up and coming online business and I was having a great time. I was being creative and contributing to something new and interesting. I was making decent cash. Robin and I had accumulated a bit of debt together moving to another province and planning for our wedding, and I had a significant amount of my own already (*kicks the butt of the student loan devil*), but we were establishing a plan to eat away at that. In short, things were looking pretty good.

Then they screwed me.

I won’t go into the details, but suffice it to say that I was a victim of a dwindling budget and an owner that felt he had gotten everything he needed out of me as the project was entering the next phase.

Bastard.

He screwed a couple other people too, I’ve heard, and the VP thought the situation sucked enough that he quit over it.

Anyway, this threw the proverbial monkeywrench into our plans and we ended up making up the difference with severance pay and credit cards. It nearly derailed our wedding plans. In the end, I ended up going into business for myself as a contractor so as to make ends meet and still give me the flexibility to have time off for the wedding. We were no longer as comfortable, but things seemed to be working out. So, after a bit more discussion, me and Robin decided that we were ready. She would stop taking the pill just before the wedding (so as to keep her fantastic figure for her wedding dress) and we would "see what happens". We didn’t think anything would happen too quickly, as we knew folks who were trying for some time before getting results.

As I mentioned in the previous post… we were wrong. Looks like it happened on the wedding night. What can I say? We’re fertile… Annnd consequently, we were both pleasantly surprised and slightly caught with our pants down — so to speak.

Now back to the needing of a different job…

The new job was kind of fun, and for the most part, I enjoyed it. There were two main problems: the money wasn’t steady enough to be planned on, and the work was proving to be dangerous. I was on the road (driving) 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, in city traffic and like any city, the more you are on the road, the more morons you meet. I began to feel like I was playing the odds, and that they were steadily building against me. I started thinking about aquiring different employment. It was a decision I had made previously, but once we realised that we were pregnant, "started thinking about" became "Now NOW NOW!!!!" I can’t be putting my life at risk when I have a baby on the way, not that kind of risk. Too many variables on the road. And the money… it needs to be steadier, something we can count on… and more! It needs to be more!!! After all there are diapers and clothes and university and… well, you get the idea.

So the hunt is on. It is an annoying, stressful, and generally trying task that I would much rather avoid, but the necessity of it is nipping at my heels, burning at my ass and otherwise driving me onward. The main problem with this job hunting thing is that, of all the things that I am qualified for — and I have done many different things in my short life — there is not one that I want to do again. Ultimately, I want to start my own business and I would like to write — and I would also like to do a hundred other things, all of which I intend to do… once I can afford it. Instead, I am preparing a cover letter to a company that hires people and trains them on the job in the electrician trade. It is my task to convince them that I have the right qualities they need for their business, regardless of the fact that I have no official training or experience.

Good thing I have experience in both writing and marketing, eh?

We’ll see…

But that’s not the only avenue I plan to trudge down. Oh no! Before I relegate myself back to the things I have done before, I will investigate being even a general labourer at a construction site. There are enough of the things around this town right now, and nasty as that work would be at this time of year, I hear it pays up to $24 an hour as a starting rate. The work would suck, but the paycheques would be oh-so-nice.

And like I said… I need money.

I’ve got a baby on the way.

August 23rd... Holy crap, we're pregnant!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 20:43:00 -0600

Wow.

That was all I could say for the first 15 minutes.

Wow…

In retrospect, we probably looked a bit ridiculous, my wife and me, standing there in the bathroom staring at the little stick she had just peed on, periodically swapping our dumbfounded "wow’s" with dumbfounded silence.

The one line is much fainter than the other… does that mean it’s actually negative? Did we read the instructions correctly?

We re-read the instructions.

Wow.

Stunned silence…

But seriously… it couldn’t have happened this soon — could it? I don’t know… That line is really faint. Or is that the other one is really dark? Maybe that’s the one that means we’re pregnant!!

…Are we sure we read the instructions correctly?

We re-read the instructions.

Wow…

Stunned silence…

And so on, and so forth, for the next 15 minutes to half-hour. Eventually, we decided to wait until the next morning, whereupon my wife would take the test again, using the alternate method where she pees in a cup.

Good times.

So the next morning…

Robin wakes me up at 6am and whispers excitedly to me: "We’re pregnant!" and heads off to work. I was still half asleep and was certain I had dreamed it, but no! The test was the same as before! We must be pregnant!

Hmmmm… Better take her to the doctor just to be sure.

The long and the short of it is, the doctor said that not only is she pregnant, she is very pregnant. She had so much of the hormone (hCG: human chorionic gonadotropin) in her system that the test results were confirmed instantly! Apparently, at that time, she was already 5 weeks along. I thought about this for a moment and was struck with a moment of blazing clarity: That was why she had been so weird lately!!! It all made so much sense! That time, a week or so back, when my sister’s kids were visiting, all she did was sleep. More so that her usual napping self, I mean — the woman does love her sleep. Oh!! And that time when she was being so moody and generally bitchy even she commented on it. She had no idea why she was feeling that way, at the time, but… ohhhh hindsight! And the time… well, you get the idea.

So the discovery is in… but what does this mean? Wellll, I’ll tell you: More stunned silence. Accompanied by huge and stupid looking grins.

We’re having a BABY!!!

Progeny…

Little us’s…

Whoo boy.

Man the world is in trouble.