holy crap, I'm pregnant! - PANIC ATTACKS

Don't try this at home, kids...

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 10:17:47 -0600

Seriously — trying to write a blog post in the latter stages of pregnancy is… nuts. Oh I’m sure there is time. Really. But I am so spun about, freaked out, excited, anxious, happy, in awe and otherwise generally wiggin’, that when I get a minute to do something, that minute is occupied by me staring at the TV, or simply staring at the wall, the ceiling, or a book.

Or sleeping.

There has been lots of sleeping lately. I am not usually a nap person — and I am a night person to boot — once I’m up, I’m up. Saturday afternoon, though, I passed out, sitting up, for about 2 and a half hours. And I’m not sick — this time.

Robin has been especially anxious lately as well — but she has more right to it than me.

She is cramping, the baby is pummelling her from the inside (usually her bladder, poor girl), her hips are hurting, moving about can be difficult, and she is generally uncomfortable all the time. Let’s not forget the fact that she is just a teensy bit worried about pushing a 6-10 pound giant out of her body. Imagine sweating out a rock if you need assistance with the concept.

Ow.

So yeah, she’s a bit freaked out right now.

And just to make things… interesting…. we have upped the stakes in this game a bit.

We are moving.

Tomorrow.

Yes, you heard me right. Or read me… whatever.

Why are we moving, you ask? Are we crazy, you ask? Well, the answer the second question is: yes, probably. The first… wellllll, we have two dogs. And we rent. And it is getting harder and harder to find dog-friendly places in this city, so, when we found one, randomly (and by randomly, I mean through Robin’s obsessive trolling of Craigslist), we decided that we should jump on it now, rather than in July like we planned.

I figure the baby will start things off being a punk — and will come on moving day.

Don’t try this at home, kids.

I’m not kidding, we could have this baby any day now. Any time… As a matter of fact, Robin could call me while writing this post and tell me to get my ass home.

*waits*

…

…..

Well. It could happen!

We have been cocked, loaded, and ready to fire for a week and a half now. Robin and I discovered that, while a due date for pregnancy is set at about 40 weeks, the actual full term for the baby’s development is 38 weeks. we are now 39 and a half. So yeah. any day now…

And we’re not even done packing yet!!!

Braxton Hicks is the harbinger of a New Age...

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 12:19:00 -0600

According to About.com, a Braxton Hicks Contraction

is defined by Taber’s Medical dictionary as an intermittent, painless contraction that may occur every 10 to 20 minutes after the first trimester of pregnancy.

I read this to my wife, and I have to say, the look that crossed her face at the word “painless” was, to be mild, somewhat less than amused. She had her first major one the other day. She’s probably been having them for a while, as she has mentioned previously that she has felt odd tightening sensations across her belly. This one, though, lasted a good couple minutes and made her feel like her stomach was attempting to tie itself in a giant knot. That was just uncomfortable… and a little frightening… but then it squeezed hard enough that her back got mad.

This is a definite recipe for unhappy pregnant lady.

It didn’t improve her mood on the subject when she found out what it was… She was relieved, sure, because it was normal, but then she considered that this was a “practice” contraction. False labour. Not nearly or even remotely as ouchie as the real thing. It probably didn’t help that, when we mentioned it to my little sister, my sister told a story about her best friend getting her first real contraction in the hospital and promptly getting up off the bed and trying to walk out the door saying “Nope. Forget it. I’m not doing this!”

Robin is starting to get worried.

She admitted to me the other day that she has been putting off researching breathing techniques and even post labour things because it makes the concept of labour too much of a reality. I can’t say as I blame her. I can’t even fathom it as a man. Sooooooo much respect for women. I am no wuss, or at least I like to think so… but even a smidgeon of what you ladies go through would send me running for the hills. I’ve had scary enough experiences with constip — wait wait wait….

That was almost a very man-like comment, wasn’t it?

Good save, Bobby.

What I’m really trying to say here is that all I can really do is remind her that she is built for this — so she can do it.

She suffers such attempts at support with grace and poise, I must say.

The unfortunate reality of it is that she has no choice… so she better start preparing now. She gets that. She just doesn’t like it. She’s been reading a book on what is called “Hypnobirthing” which, as I understand it, uses visualization to convince the body that the experience of giving birth is an awesome and beautiful thing — that is pain-free. Now people may scoff, but I can get down with this. The concept is supported in other aspects in many easturn philosophies and even by modern training to counteract torture. The mind is a powerful thing — and humans are naturally good at self-delusion… Can’t call me cynical. Seriously, with the proper dedication, I think it could work. The woman who wrote it has had seven kids — seven!!! — and seemingly had a great time having them all. I hope some of that rubs off on Robin.

Have any of you looked at the counter on the right side of the page on this blog? If not, take a look now… 54 days till the big day.

54!!!

What the hell??? How did that happen?????

And Robin says that, after 32 weeks, the baby is viable to come out kickin’! Know what Sunday was folks?

Can you guess?

Ohhh yeah. 32 freakin’ weeks.

That means that all bets are off. The research that isn’t done needs to be. The questions that aren’t answered need… answers! The world is about two hairs shy of turning completely upside down and inside out!!!

Braxton Hicks is the harbinger of a new age.

Wow.

Bureaucracy can bite my ass

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 15:05:15 -0600

So we went to a different doctor — the day after the last post, as a matter of fact — and got pretty much what I expected. Robin may have bronchitis, but her body is doing ok at fighting it off — and if it comes back, they would prescribe penicillin. Penicillin! The antibiotic that is pretty much safe for anyone to take (unless they are allergic). That’s what the research and the doctors and pharmacists tell me, anyway. The new doctor also reccomended against taking the other pill.

Still no word on why the one that was not proven safe was the first doctor’s first choice.

We are not going to that doctor again.

It was good to get that cleared up and all that — but Robin is still sick. And now so am I… sigh Just a cold for us both now, though — or at least something that resembles a cold and has the added effect of leaving us reeeeaaaaallly tirrrrreeeddddd. Robin is not well enough, according to her OBGYN, that she should stay at home for at least the rest of the week.

Ohhh did that throw a monkeywrench into her plans.

The pregnant lady is not happy.

It goes beyond the sickness, though. Staying home for a week messes up her whole maternity leave plan. She was planning on getting a few days vacation at the end of this week, working next week, then taking the rest of her vacation until her mat leave kicks in. Being off this week means she can’t work the one day before her vacation that is required for her to actually qualify for it — why they do that, I don’t know, but it is a real pain in the pregnant lady’s ass. Not friendly to the pocketbook, either, since her sick time is used up. There was some talk being bandied about regarding medical EI (employment insurance), but that is just another bear altogether. Everyone knows the government is happy to take that money off of your paycheque — but they are loathe to give it back.

It’s like pulling teeth for them.

With pliers.

And no beer…

You can all rest assured that my kid will have a better dentist than me.

Anyway, this sickness is attempting to smash the plan, which will, in turn, try to dance away with the pocketbook. So Robin and I are attempting to discovewr and weigh our options — which includes the obligatory bureaucratic dance and much digging through union and government policies with glazed and sick eyes.

Fun, no?

We are also going to go back to the doctor and find out, once and for all, whether it is better for Robin to just go on leave now, rather than wait for another month as she was originally planning.

Ahh the wonderful details of pregnancy….

Don’t they just make you smile.

And if this post barely makes sense… I don’t care.

I’m sick.

The Sickness Returns!!!! ...again!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:59:08 -0700

Just when you think it’s safe to get back in the water…

Just when the world seems like it makes sense…

Just when you feel the need for stupid cliches has passed………

You were wrong.

Yep, you guessed it folks — and even if you didn’t, I’m going to tell you anyway — the (near) blissful (almost) comfort of the past several months (relative to the horror of the first trimester) has come to a sudden and really yucky halt. The Sickness has returned!!! …again!

It has changed form, certainly — but it is back nonetheless. And it is torturing poor Robin with the vengeance of one that has been too long denied.

Out of nowhere, Robin was bludgeoned with bronchitis. She has coughed up icky green stuff, she has had a fever — poor baby lives in a heatwave now — she has thrown up yucky liquids, and she has been relegated back to the “comforts” of the bed. I say “comforts” with those fabulous little bunny ears because, let’s face it, lying down for hours at a time is no fun for a pregnant lady.

Watch yourselves, ladies. The Sickness is tricksy.

It has even gotten into the mind of our doctor! Not the OBGYN — he’s in surgery all day and out of contact… — the GP that we generally go to. I have always been suspicious that he is one of those pill-pusher types doctors — you know, the kind that throw medication at everything, no matter what. When Robin got sick on top of the regular The Sickness in the earlier stages of the pregnancy, the doctor threw some strange pill at her that, upon researching, we discovered was actually banned from use in the US. I can’t remember what it was called now, but it turned out to be unnecessary.

Point is, it was banned somewhere due to possible badness to pregnant ladies.

And wasn’t necessary.

Bah!

This time around, he listens to Robin’s breathing, determines she has bronchitis and promtly throws a new pill at her — and a liquid med too (this one’s an expectorant/anti-asthma thingy). He didn’t even try to get a bacterial culture thingy to see what -kind- of bronchitis she has, specifically!We didn’t think too much of it at the time, because we know that bronchitis is the sort of infection that generally needs an antibiotic, but when we got home and did some checking on the effects of this drug (Biaxin or Claritromycin), we discover that it is not conclusive whether or not it is safe to take while pregnant. As a matter of fact, when I talked to a pharmacist today, she read to me right out of a book that said there have been relatively few human trials, and that those were inconclusive and need more testing, and that in the animal trials — poor animals and their babies! — the effects were not positive at all.

I know some people like to think so, but we are not so different than other animals when it comes to our basic workings. And yes we are animals too — don’t make me slap you!

Anyway, we are going to another doctor for a second opinion today. And I plan to call her OBGYN tomorrow. There are other options for bronchitis meds, and a couple of them are even determined to be “okay” for pregnant ladies to take. As long as the benefits outweigh the risks… Benefits, in this case, being that she gets better faster and the baby spends less time getting cooked by her body instead of baked at its regular, steady heat. Fever is not good for babies. Nope. Especially those unborn types.

I just hope we get some good information from this other doctor. I want options dammit! I want to be confident that the doctor isn’t just giving us what he or she figures is “okay” for the baby. I want to know that the doctor has put some serious thought into it and is giving us what he is sure is the lowest risk for the baby — and for Robin too.

So far, not feelin’ it.

I hope she feels better soon.

The Good, the Bad, and the Bobby

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 15:29:58 -0700

Well now… this is where I ask myself:

Do I really want to transfer all of my bad habits to my child?

Seriously. I do some pretty screwy things!

Granted, I don’t drink or do any crazy drugs or smoke or anything like that — but those aren’t the only bad habits in the world. I curse a blue streak, for example. This is a habit I picked up from my mother — although, to be fair, she also instilled in me, very vigorously, the concepts of “a time and place for everything” and “do as I say, not as i do”, which resulted in adults often telling her I was a very polite child — which I was. And am. Unless the situation calls for otherwise. So maybe that isn’t such a bad thing, cursing a blue streak… As long as it is tempered with good sense.

The kid is going to learn the “language” from other kids anyway. And from televsion — and the radio too, nowadays. Don’t even get me started on the interweb. I mean, I was swearing in at least 5 different languages or more by the time I was 9 — and my mother only speaks the one.

So maybe swearing isn’t such a big deal. I’ll just try and temper myself a bit, and attempt to teach the kid good sense.

Good.

Glad we got that covered.

Now what about these other things…?

What about more insidious things like my tendency to get caught up with what I am doing to the exclusion of all else — even food? Do I really want my kid to learn that? On the one hand, it can be a good thing. It is a focus that is able to really bring about a conclusion to a project — if the obsessive nature of that focus doesn’t burn you out first. Helped me get the job I have now. Helped me keep the job I have now. Helped me with many other things as well — but it also caused me to burn out on things prematurely and sometimes not finish what I started. And let’s face it, forgetting to eat… not good!

Robin gets on my case about that. I can’t blame her, really. She loves me you know… And it certainly doesn’t help your cause when you are so focused on getting something done that you forget to fuel your brain and end up either making mistakes, or at the very least, making things take longer because you can’t think straight. I am still searching for the middle ground here myself — so how do I teach that to my kid? And what about the 50,000 or so other bad habits and potential bad habits that I’ve got going on? I think I’m a good man — but I want my kid to be a better person than me!

Honestly… this being a role model thing kinda sucks.

But it’s is so bloody important!!!

And where do I leave off pushing these values and whatnot onto the kid? Where do I stop and just let the kid figure things out for him or herself? I have been told I have natural paternal instinct and that I do well with kids and whatever, but seriously… what the hell?

My answer thus far is just continue to try to improve upon myself and try to teach the kid good sense. I think judgement is key.

That’s all I got, man.

That’s it.

And for those of you who are only here for the belly shots and could care less about my whining — this here’s for you:

And, for good measure…

Here’s a pic of my puppies:

Enjoy.

Yayy 3rd Trimester... WTF?!? 11 WEEKS????????

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 18:31:28 -0700

Ok, what the hell?

This post was originally supposed to be a bit about the third trimester and all of its in and outs…

Screw that.

Screw it, I say!

I just realised that we are a week into the third trimester. We are at 29 weeks, 1 day and counting…

Ohh hell… that means there are actually -less- than 11 weeks left in this crazy process. Less than 11 weeks until the -true- craziness begins!!!!

Wait a sec… hold on now…. Considering that babies can and do come early sometimes… it could actually be -less- than less than 11 weeks…

*blinks*

Oh crap.

Right now, at this moment, I am totally feeling like I am not ready for this.

No, no… that’s not right… I feel like I don’t know what the hell I feel.

Let’s see… starts ticking off fingers

Excited… check.

Happy… check.

Terrified… check.

Rushed… check.

A bit sick to my stomach…….. check.

About 5000 other emotions and various states of being that I could not explain or understand fully if I tried…………….. check?

All hail the nuttiness — this is a full scale panic attack.

Did I mention that Robin bought a stroller today?

Ohhhhh I'm back baby!!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 13:41:53 -0700

Iiiiii’m BACK! And I’m ringin’ the bell. I’m rockin’ on the mic while the fly girls…

Wait a minute…

Those are Vanilla Ice lyrics.

Don’t ask me how I know them — because I won’t tell you…

Anyway… for those of you who have been anxiously waiting for me to start writing again after the shenanigans that are the holidays and going back to work, I’m here to tell you:

Robin is HUGE.

And this was a couple weeks ago…

Ohhhh you guessed it. We are 25 weeks along today, that baby is doing backflips, acrobatics AND martial arts — and Robin can’t see her feet. Not without effort, anyway. That dark line that some pregnant ladies get down their bellies (linea negra) has, at the belly button and below, become almost 3/4’s of an inch wide — and the belly button itself, well, that sucker is set to turn inside out any day now! I wonder, sometimes, about women who already have an outie… does it get bigger? shrugs Random thought.

Robin is also starting to get stretchmarks… she wasn’t happy about the idea at first — but now she thinks they are kind of pretty. I like them. They are interesting little maps or lightning bolts if you have any degree of imagination. Oh, and ladies, for those of you who are now saying that you will make sure you never get stretchmarks, that you will bathe in cocoa butter if you have to… sorry. You are out of luck. Some women get ‘em, some don’t — most do. To keep them from

This is today — and no, those aren’t stretchmarks. She just woke up… She’s not that pale either… bad lighting.

sticking around afterward, as I have been informed, cocoa butter is good, as it helps keep the skin in good shape, but there is one super-important thing you must remember above all else…

Don’t scratch.

Yep. That’s it. I don’t know what you want from me — this isn’t the cure for cancer I am offering here.

Other important things of note hat have happened this past month are as follows — and in no particular order:

-Our friend Crystal has had her little baby boy. Took about 10 minutes and 3 pushes. Her husband almost missed it while parking the car. If only Robin will be so lucky… Cute kid though. Looked like a wrinkly little gnome.

-Robin’s good friend and co-worker has announce that she is pregnant. this is exciting as this is the same friend that got married a week after us — and our baby now has two friends — and maybe even a future date — by default. We don’t know the sex of our baby or theirs — so date may not be in the cards. I’m open minded though. It’s a whole new millennium after all. As long as the kid’s happy, right?

-I felt the baby move for the first time a few weeks back. Robin had begun to feel it a little bit, but I had been denied repeatedly. I casually draped my arm over Robin one morning, half asleep, and there it was! Woke me right up! I was so excited, it was all I could talk about for 3 days! Now, we can actually see the little bulges sometimes!!! :D — And the little punk has already kicked me in the ass once while Robin was cuddling me from behind. This is how I know the kid is going to be just like me — and just like his/her mother. She is a punk too.

-Robin and I almost moved. We were hell bent on getting a better place, somethig we could settle into for a long time. then we worked out the budget and realised that, sticking to that budget, but staying where we are and keeping the difference in rent for six months — saved us more than $4000.00. We will be staying where we are until at least July. Well, that is provided that the people upstairs don’t piss us off so much with their 3am inconsiderate noise making that we don’t… move. To say anything else would be potentially incriminating. And for those who take things to seriously…. that was a JOKE.

-I had a few minor panic attacks regarding my job. I like it. I like the money it brings in. I don’t lke this 3 month probation period thing where they can let you go without cause or explanation or recompense. That is almost over. Things seem to be going well. But you never truly know until the fat lady, as they say, sings. No I am not talking about Robin. She is the Pregnant Lady. She is a sexy goddess and don’t any of you forget it!

Perhaps one of the most interesting, and definitely one of the most recent, developments, is that Robin has now entered the nesting stage. Ohhh has she!!! She is intent on overhauling the entire house. Just the other day, she did something like 500 loads of laundry. I’m serious!! She washed nearly everything we own, dirty or not. I think she as just waiting for me to come home so she could wash the clothes off my back! It’s actually kind of funny, but I worry about her overworking herself.

Heh… the other day, she picked me up from the train after I got off of work… I opened the door to the car, and there is Robin, in the driver’s seat, cleaning wipe in hand, scrubbing away happily. I look at her a moment and say "Hi baby, how’re you doing?" She responds gleefully: "Hi Baby! I’m cleaning!!!" It may have been a "had to be there" moment, but I couldn’t even get into the car for a good 2-3 minutes beacuse I was laughing so hard.

That’s all for today folks! I will be back soon, at least weekly, maybe more, so stay tuned for tales of Robin’s voracious hunger and the kung fu baby that will soon start to double in size every week!!!

Oh yes, and Robin is still carrying high, for those of you who are interested in that sort of thing and whatever it may mean. She looks like she is almost 7 months along… but she isn’t…

Bless me O BlogFather, for I have sinned...

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 08:43:43 -0700

It has been nearly two weeks since my last confession.

Well, this is what happens during this season, I suppose. That, and I am attempting to upgrade my time management skills. So far… I’m not sure how that’s working out.

Seriously, how do people do it? I am working my butt off at the new job, trying to keep up with things at home, making sure I am there for the Pregnant Lady, making sure I am there for the puppies — though I am sure they would appreciate longer walks and more personal play time — and trying to keep up with the social things of the holidays. I’m keeping that bit to a minimum and am still struggling. And time for myself? WTF is that?

How in the hell am I going to do all that AND make sure I am there for my kid — and later kids…???

Seriously, I have -no- idea.

I don’t want to be one of those absentee fathers — and I have a bunch of other important things/projects that need to wriggle their way into here as well!

I used to have this teacher — World Music History, Latin Jazz Ensemble, etc — who somehow taught at 3 or 4 colleges/universities in the city, taught at UVic — a 2 hour ferry trip from here — judged competitions, performed, composed, directed multiple ensembles, etc, etc — and still had time to read and have a happy family life! Did I mentioned he is world reknowned?

I need to figure out how the hell he did all of that…

Sal Ferreras… you are my personal time management god.

File this one under panic attacks…

Holy crap, there might be TWINS!!!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sun, 25 Nov 2007 21:32:40 -0700

You heard me right! Twins!!!

hyperventilates

Robin had her second OBGYN appointment just the other day and, remember how I said she was getting really big, really fast? How she seemed all along to be showing early? Well… the doctor concurred. He said she seemed to be about a month further along than she should be — 20 weeks, instead of 16 — her uterus is already up behind her belly button!!!

(Apparently, this is more advanced than it should be. I really just spent my time nodding and looking like I knew it all along. "The uterus is up behind the belly button, you say? Like 20 weeks? And she’s 16 weeks?" Bobby nods sagely "Indeed, I was certain it was supposed to be somewhere below there for another… 4 weeks or so. continues with the sage nodding )

Really, though, this was a bit of a surprise — especially when he informed us that, when a woman carries twins, she usually shows about a month ahead. And that it skips a generation… generally. Robin’s dad has twin sisters. Apparently, it runs somewhere in my family too.

Don’t go jumping to conclusions though. Not yet, folks — and I say this as much for us as for you… When we listened to the heartbeat again — that always trips me right out and leaves me blubbering with awe — there was only one. A nice strong 157bpm, but one, nonetheless. Of course, the other could have been in behind or otherwise hiding out. Sneaky bugger. I’ll have to keep an eye on him or her…

It could also be that we are actually further along than we expected. there is very little chance of that — but the chance must be at least somewhat as good as the chance that we are having two.

The other option is that we are having a reeeeeeaaaallly big baby. If so… I’m so sorry, Robin.

decides to start training incase he has to run some high speed and long distance running in the near future

We should know know one way or the other in about 9 days. — Holy crap!! 9 days!!!! — The doctor found it all curious enough to up our first sonogram by about a month or so. Until then, we are trying not to speculate…

You can see from this blog post how well that’s going.

My new job is a den of disease...

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 10:23:17 -0700

I mean it.

Exactly what the title says.

sniffs

I was there wipes nose for 4 days sniffs and caught whatever strain of flu/cold is jumping gleefully SNIFFS from person to person there.

Hold on a sec…

blows nose

Much better!

pauses to recollect… and then sniffs again

sigh

I worked really hard to keep it from me, too. I think I washed my hand more this past week than I have in the past year — but people are dropping like flies over there!!! I hate being sick. Honestly, though, I was (and am) more worried about bringing it home. Robin is just starting to feel better!

I know the baby is probably not at risk, as that amniotic fluid stuff is a pretty good buffer against most sicknesses — but if Robin gets a fever or spends the next few weeks hacking and coughing, throwing up all of her nutrients or, or,… wait — she was doing all that before and the kid was fine.

Still…

The point is, she is just starting to get better. I don’t want her to feel bad again! Especially because of me. The worry of her catching whatever this is has me reminding her about 10 times a day that she should not touch her face, if she can help it, without washing her hands first. Apparently, most cold-type things are passed from hand to mouth — or eye, or nose, or ear… or pretty much anywhere else the body has fluids near the surface.

Do you know how hard it is to consciously not touch your face — ever — without washing your hands first? Try it. But have someone else watch you, because you will probably not realise when you are doing it. It is too natural a reaction. So I keep reminding her — and probably annoying the hell out of her in the process.

I can’t help myself, though — it is waayyy too easy for the pregnant lady to get sick (you may recall in The Sickness… part I that I mentioned the lowering of the woman’s immune system to keep her body from rejecting the child). I don’t want her to get sick.

You think she would have a problem with me quarantining myself away from her for next couple weeks?

sigh

I do.

…

I have to go blow by dose.

New job... Yay!! -- Now maybe I can pay for the baby...

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 23:09:42 -0700

So, I’m sure all of you wee waiting with baited breath to see what happened with the second post in this series So I’m having a baby… Now what? Well, I think it only proper to let you all know that I started a new job today! One that pays!! Money!!!

This pleases me greatly.

Now I just have to make sure that all goes well over the next three months. mutters Damned probation periods…

The upside of that three month thing is that, at the end of it, I should get a raise of about 2 grand per year. Yaaaaaay money!

Normally, I don’t care too much about money. Normally, I really find it to be pain in the ass. It’s a pain in the ass to get — and it’s a very serious pain in the ass to keep. I’ve got bankers, boys and girls. You know the song. looks at the lot of you The "Hands in my pockets" song? From the commercial?

Yeah.

I’ve got alllll of that going on.

And as we discussed before, babies are costly little rugrats. Not too mention the pure and inescapable fact that a financially secure wife is a much-less-stressed-and-much-more- likely-to-be-happy wife.

So… Yaaaaaaay money!

Take that bankers!

For the curious, the job is in marketing (Marketing & Communications Co-ordinator) — and the first day went well.

Wish me luck!

So I'm having a baby... Now what?

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 12:42:31 -0600

While the first thing I experienced may have been joy — mad, passionate, unadulterated joy — this was quickly followed by an overpowering and extremely urgent new thought:

I need a new job.

Baby’s cost money, man! Anybody can tell you so… And my current job simply was not going to cut it. There were bills to pay, debt to consider, baby classes, LaMas, baby yoga or other excercise, maternity clothes, food, diapers, car seats, strollers, cribs, diapers — did I say diapers? — daycare, moving (no way was a baby going to fit in our basement suite), baby clothes, toys, University — by the time the kid is ready to go to university, it ought to cost as much as buying a house — and what about buying a house??? Holy hell, what about the cost of other kids!?!?!!?

*insert mini panic attack here*

All of this took place in a matter of seconds, still in the doctor’s office, holding my wife’s hand while the doctor jabbered on about…something. I think it was vitamins… folic acid or something. I took a breath, slapped myself mentally a few times, and forced myself back to the present. It was utterly amazing to me how my train of thought jumped so far and so intently into the future. This had never happened before, not to this extent. When I first met Robin, one of the reasons I knew we were meant to be together was by a sudden shifting of consciousness, a realisation that I was no longer thinking about the next week, or the next month, or even the next couple of years. I was thinking about my life with her and my life in general in terms of at least 5 to 10 years in the future. I was making real plans — concrete ones. This was huge! Discovering we were going to have a baby was was pretty much the same thing — but on steroids. And this was only the first of many mini attacks since. My mother once actually had to forcibly remind me that the baby won’t be here tomorrow. We had time.

But I’m getting a bit ahead of myself…

You see, it wasn’t like Robin and I weren’t ready — entirely… We had talked often about having a baby in the near future, but, until a few months before the wedding, we had (mostly) decided that we wanted to pay our debt down first. Especially since the last job I had completely screwed me.

It hurt too.

I loved that job.

I was working as a marketing manager and business consultant for an up and coming online business and I was having a great time. I was being creative and contributing to something new and interesting. I was making decent cash. Robin and I had accumulated a bit of debt together moving to another province and planning for our wedding, and I had a significant amount of my own already (*kicks the butt of the student loan devil*), but we were establishing a plan to eat away at that. In short, things were looking pretty good.

Then they screwed me.

I won’t go into the details, but suffice it to say that I was a victim of a dwindling budget and an owner that felt he had gotten everything he needed out of me as the project was entering the next phase.

Bastard.

He screwed a couple other people too, I’ve heard, and the VP thought the situation sucked enough that he quit over it.

Anyway, this threw the proverbial monkeywrench into our plans and we ended up making up the difference with severance pay and credit cards. It nearly derailed our wedding plans. In the end, I ended up going into business for myself as a contractor so as to make ends meet and still give me the flexibility to have time off for the wedding. We were no longer as comfortable, but things seemed to be working out. So, after a bit more discussion, me and Robin decided that we were ready. She would stop taking the pill just before the wedding (so as to keep her fantastic figure for her wedding dress) and we would "see what happens". We didn’t think anything would happen too quickly, as we knew folks who were trying for some time before getting results.

As I mentioned in the previous post… we were wrong. Looks like it happened on the wedding night. What can I say? We’re fertile… Annnd consequently, we were both pleasantly surprised and slightly caught with our pants down — so to speak.

Now back to the needing of a different job…

The new job was kind of fun, and for the most part, I enjoyed it. There were two main problems: the money wasn’t steady enough to be planned on, and the work was proving to be dangerous. I was on the road (driving) 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, in city traffic and like any city, the more you are on the road, the more morons you meet. I began to feel like I was playing the odds, and that they were steadily building against me. I started thinking about aquiring different employment. It was a decision I had made previously, but once we realised that we were pregnant, "started thinking about" became "Now NOW NOW!!!!" I can’t be putting my life at risk when I have a baby on the way, not that kind of risk. Too many variables on the road. And the money… it needs to be steadier, something we can count on… and more! It needs to be more!!! After all there are diapers and clothes and university and… well, you get the idea.

So the hunt is on. It is an annoying, stressful, and generally trying task that I would much rather avoid, but the necessity of it is nipping at my heels, burning at my ass and otherwise driving me onward. The main problem with this job hunting thing is that, of all the things that I am qualified for — and I have done many different things in my short life — there is not one that I want to do again. Ultimately, I want to start my own business and I would like to write — and I would also like to do a hundred other things, all of which I intend to do… once I can afford it. Instead, I am preparing a cover letter to a company that hires people and trains them on the job in the electrician trade. It is my task to convince them that I have the right qualities they need for their business, regardless of the fact that I have no official training or experience.

Good thing I have experience in both writing and marketing, eh?

We’ll see…

But that’s not the only avenue I plan to trudge down. Oh no! Before I relegate myself back to the things I have done before, I will investigate being even a general labourer at a construction site. There are enough of the things around this town right now, and nasty as that work would be at this time of year, I hear it pays up to $24 an hour as a starting rate. The work would suck, but the paycheques would be oh-so-nice.

And like I said… I need money.

I’ve got a baby on the way.