holy crap, I'm pregnant! - The Sickness...

Pregnancy is beautiful... really!!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 11:24:51 -0600

If I sound like I’m trying to convince myself, it’s because, sometimes, I really am. Yes pregnancy and the creation of a new life is a beautiful and wonderous thing. A glowing pregnant lady can be cute, pretty, sexy, all of those things. It’s the… other stuff… the…… byproducts, if you will, of this miracle that are, well… disgusting.

And it only gets worse as the pregnancy goes on.

In the beginning, it’s just gas. And puke, if you are one of the unlucky ones to get “morning” sickness. Then there’s more gas. Vaginal discharge. And more gas… And more — well, let’s just say that the gas never stops. It just keeps surfacing in weird and wonderful ways. It is, at the very least, an endless source of entertainment. For all you guys out there who have girls that like to pretend that there body is above gas and therefore they do not fart like us lowly men, well… get ‘em pregnant. Then fart jokes may once again, abound. But watch yourselves, fellows!!! Mood swings while pregnant are nothing to shake a stick at. You don’t want an angry pregnant woman chasing you down the street! She will catch you… eventually. Remember! They sleep less and less as it goes on — and they “sleep” right beside you…

But I digress…

Gas is fun nastiness. Ever heard of a mucus plug? Doesn’t that just sound….. appetizing? No, you don’t eat it you silly people! It is just an expression. It’s the afterbirth that some people eat. You heard me! I’m not knocking people’s practices — people are free to do whatever they want, no matter how gross, as long as it doesn’t hurt anybody… and eating the afterbirth doesn’t hurt anybody. But ewww!!!! And I have a hard time believing that wasn’t your first reaction as well…

So mucus plug… this is a relatively dense plug of mucus that seals the cervix to keep out bacteria and the like. It’s a good thing. Then, late in the pregnancy, the cervix thins and opens — and the mucus plug falls into the toilet in a large mucus-y, often brown/pink/red and bloody mass. Plop. Sometimes it comes out in bits first, and some women don’t notice it coming out at all — but it’s there! When it finally does come out, it is a good indication of a week or less to go before the baby burrows its way out. They don’t show that stuff in the movies!! As a matter of fact, Robin and I had never even really heard of a mucus plug at all until we stumbled upon it doing a little research. What a wonderfully disgusting surprise!

There are a lot of things about pregnancy that they hide from you in Hollywood… I mean, did you know that, after all that time and trouble and pushing, the baby comes out — and you think you’re done, ladies? Think again! You have to push some more and give birth again! To the placenta. The afterbirth. Ok, well, you might have known that… but I bet you didn’t know that some people eat it!!! At least some of you didn’t know that… be honest!!

And ew!!!!

And don’t kid yourselves, people! When the water breaks and floods all over everything… That’s not water.

Nope.

Not water….

So yeah…. pregnancy — as well as all other bodily functions — it’s yucky!

Bureaucracy can bite my ass

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 15:05:15 -0600

So we went to a different doctor — the day after the last post, as a matter of fact — and got pretty much what I expected. Robin may have bronchitis, but her body is doing ok at fighting it off — and if it comes back, they would prescribe penicillin. Penicillin! The antibiotic that is pretty much safe for anyone to take (unless they are allergic). That’s what the research and the doctors and pharmacists tell me, anyway. The new doctor also reccomended against taking the other pill.

Still no word on why the one that was not proven safe was the first doctor’s first choice.

We are not going to that doctor again.

It was good to get that cleared up and all that — but Robin is still sick. And now so am I… sigh Just a cold for us both now, though — or at least something that resembles a cold and has the added effect of leaving us reeeeaaaaallly tirrrrreeeddddd. Robin is not well enough, according to her OBGYN, that she should stay at home for at least the rest of the week.

Ohhh did that throw a monkeywrench into her plans.

The pregnant lady is not happy.

It goes beyond the sickness, though. Staying home for a week messes up her whole maternity leave plan. She was planning on getting a few days vacation at the end of this week, working next week, then taking the rest of her vacation until her mat leave kicks in. Being off this week means she can’t work the one day before her vacation that is required for her to actually qualify for it — why they do that, I don’t know, but it is a real pain in the pregnant lady’s ass. Not friendly to the pocketbook, either, since her sick time is used up. There was some talk being bandied about regarding medical EI (employment insurance), but that is just another bear altogether. Everyone knows the government is happy to take that money off of your paycheque — but they are loathe to give it back.

It’s like pulling teeth for them.

With pliers.

And no beer…

You can all rest assured that my kid will have a better dentist than me.

Anyway, this sickness is attempting to smash the plan, which will, in turn, try to dance away with the pocketbook. So Robin and I are attempting to discovewr and weigh our options — which includes the obligatory bureaucratic dance and much digging through union and government policies with glazed and sick eyes.

Fun, no?

We are also going to go back to the doctor and find out, once and for all, whether it is better for Robin to just go on leave now, rather than wait for another month as she was originally planning.

Ahh the wonderful details of pregnancy….

Don’t they just make you smile.

And if this post barely makes sense… I don’t care.

I’m sick.

The Sickness Returns!!!! ...again!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:59:08 -0700

Just when you think it’s safe to get back in the water…

Just when the world seems like it makes sense…

Just when you feel the need for stupid cliches has passed………

You were wrong.

Yep, you guessed it folks — and even if you didn’t, I’m going to tell you anyway — the (near) blissful (almost) comfort of the past several months (relative to the horror of the first trimester) has come to a sudden and really yucky halt. The Sickness has returned!!! …again!

It has changed form, certainly — but it is back nonetheless. And it is torturing poor Robin with the vengeance of one that has been too long denied.

Out of nowhere, Robin was bludgeoned with bronchitis. She has coughed up icky green stuff, she has had a fever — poor baby lives in a heatwave now — she has thrown up yucky liquids, and she has been relegated back to the “comforts” of the bed. I say “comforts” with those fabulous little bunny ears because, let’s face it, lying down for hours at a time is no fun for a pregnant lady.

Watch yourselves, ladies. The Sickness is tricksy.

It has even gotten into the mind of our doctor! Not the OBGYN — he’s in surgery all day and out of contact… — the GP that we generally go to. I have always been suspicious that he is one of those pill-pusher types doctors — you know, the kind that throw medication at everything, no matter what. When Robin got sick on top of the regular The Sickness in the earlier stages of the pregnancy, the doctor threw some strange pill at her that, upon researching, we discovered was actually banned from use in the US. I can’t remember what it was called now, but it turned out to be unnecessary.

Point is, it was banned somewhere due to possible badness to pregnant ladies.

And wasn’t necessary.

Bah!

This time around, he listens to Robin’s breathing, determines she has bronchitis and promtly throws a new pill at her — and a liquid med too (this one’s an expectorant/anti-asthma thingy). He didn’t even try to get a bacterial culture thingy to see what -kind- of bronchitis she has, specifically!We didn’t think too much of it at the time, because we know that bronchitis is the sort of infection that generally needs an antibiotic, but when we got home and did some checking on the effects of this drug (Biaxin or Claritromycin), we discover that it is not conclusive whether or not it is safe to take while pregnant. As a matter of fact, when I talked to a pharmacist today, she read to me right out of a book that said there have been relatively few human trials, and that those were inconclusive and need more testing, and that in the animal trials — poor animals and their babies! — the effects were not positive at all.

I know some people like to think so, but we are not so different than other animals when it comes to our basic workings. And yes we are animals too — don’t make me slap you!

Anyway, we are going to another doctor for a second opinion today. And I plan to call her OBGYN tomorrow. There are other options for bronchitis meds, and a couple of them are even determined to be “okay” for pregnant ladies to take. As long as the benefits outweigh the risks… Benefits, in this case, being that she gets better faster and the baby spends less time getting cooked by her body instead of baked at its regular, steady heat. Fever is not good for babies. Nope. Especially those unborn types.

I just hope we get some good information from this other doctor. I want options dammit! I want to be confident that the doctor isn’t just giving us what he or she figures is “okay” for the baby. I want to know that the doctor has put some serious thought into it and is giving us what he is sure is the lowest risk for the baby — and for Robin too.

So far, not feelin’ it.

I hope she feels better soon.

My new job is a den of disease...

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 10:23:17 -0700

I mean it.

Exactly what the title says.

sniffs

I was there wipes nose for 4 days sniffs and caught whatever strain of flu/cold is jumping gleefully SNIFFS from person to person there.

Hold on a sec…

blows nose

Much better!

pauses to recollect… and then sniffs again

sigh

I worked really hard to keep it from me, too. I think I washed my hand more this past week than I have in the past year — but people are dropping like flies over there!!! I hate being sick. Honestly, though, I was (and am) more worried about bringing it home. Robin is just starting to feel better!

I know the baby is probably not at risk, as that amniotic fluid stuff is a pretty good buffer against most sicknesses — but if Robin gets a fever or spends the next few weeks hacking and coughing, throwing up all of her nutrients or, or,… wait — she was doing all that before and the kid was fine.

Still…

The point is, she is just starting to get better. I don’t want her to feel bad again! Especially because of me. The worry of her catching whatever this is has me reminding her about 10 times a day that she should not touch her face, if she can help it, without washing her hands first. Apparently, most cold-type things are passed from hand to mouth — or eye, or nose, or ear… or pretty much anywhere else the body has fluids near the surface.

Do you know how hard it is to consciously not touch your face — ever — without washing your hands first? Try it. But have someone else watch you, because you will probably not realise when you are doing it. It is too natural a reaction. So I keep reminding her — and probably annoying the hell out of her in the process.

I can’t help myself, though — it is waayyy too easy for the pregnant lady to get sick (you may recall in The Sickness… part I that I mentioned the lowering of the woman’s immune system to keep her body from rejecting the child). I don’t want her to get sick.

You think she would have a problem with me quarantining myself away from her for next couple weeks?

sigh

I do.

…

I have to go blow by dose.

Rapid growth and rapid improvement -- 2nd trimester in full swing!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 08:43:50 -0700

A quick update before work…

You know when you are around someone all the time and they are getting bigger — height-wise, girth-wise, it doesn’t matter — and because you are around them constantly, you really don’t notice the change? Well then, imagine what it means that I noticed last night that Robin has gained at least 2 to 3 inches allllllll around her belly area.

In all belly directions.

In 2 days…. O.o

She’s getting freaking huge!!!

Not as huge as she will be though — and she makes it look so…. cute!

This all went down at her birthday dinner last night. A dinner which culminated in me rubbing her belly and noticing a definite — not definate you rotten internet spellers! shakes fist — change in firmness and her telling me that she has felt more energetic the last few days than she has in months. Oh yeah… she also told me that, in the last few days, she hasn’t wanted to throw up every time she brushed her teeth.

This is a good sign.

Truly.

All hail the second trimester!!!

I am so happy for her!

The Sickness -- Part II

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 22:16:38 -0600

continued from: The Sickness — morning, evening, night… pick one — Part One

So you might think that, being nearly 14 weeks along, the sickness would have abated by now…

You would be wrong.

Well, that’s not entirely true. I was just being dramatic. It has lessened — but it continues to haunt my poor wife’s life.

And mine.

Picture this, if you will: Robin is humming along, having a good day; her appetite is good (understatment), her mood is steady (…), and her vertigo has been gone for a while and shows no signs of coming back. She’s feeling pretty good about the whole being pregnant thing.

Then it happens…

It begins as this… feeling… in her chest. A constricting or a pressure of some kind. Almost like congestion, but not so easily described. It just feels… bad. I know when it is happening because she gets all quiet, usually sits up and hunches forward a bit — and then starts the long, slow, whistling breaths. And when I ask her if she is alright — she says no.

Next, she falls into coughing fits.

These come and go periodically for Robin — sometimes it seems like that cold from so many months back still hasn’t gone away entirely. From what I understand, however, it may be caused by the acid reflux/heartburn that is yet another fun discomfort of pregnancy. I was worried about the strain on the little one, but, apparently, there is little worry that this constant hacking will hurt the baby, as the little alien is equipped with some great shock absorption bio-technology.

Sorry… nerd moment.

She knew she married one.

Back to the coughing… Before long, the poor girl is doubled over or in the fetal position herself. She is doing the breathing thing more rapidly now. There is a pause… and then, without warning, she is up and moving. Fast. She is heading to the bathroom as quickly as she can safely go. Usually, she makes it all the way to that oh-so-huggy porcelain friend.

Usually.

Sometimes it is the nearest available sink.

If I am home, I am right there with her, kneeling down behind her and rubbing her back, if she can stand it. This is where it starts to affect me…

Oh, it makes me feel bad for her and all that. I hate that she has to feel that way. But this is not what I am talking about. It’s a more… direct… effect. Don’t jump to conclusions now, I’m not talking about sympathetic vomiting. I’m talking about fighting that urge so hard that it almost hurts.

I haven’t puked in years.

I think I may be almost phobic, I hate it so much. If I ever do throw up, I am so sick I probably need to go to the hospital. This may sound a little weird to you - but I reeeeaaallllyyy hate it — and I exercise my personal willpower toward that battle. With a great deal of success, I might add.

This is trying though.

But I stick it out. Every time she’s in there, hugging her new friend, I am in there with her — with my eyes closed, and my ears… dealing with it. No matter what I feel, it can’t be as bad as what she feels.

Ohh the wonders of pregnancy…

ick.

The Sickness -- morning, evening, night... pick one -- Part One

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 22:51:54 -0600

It wasn’t long after we were sure we were pregnant that Robin got hit with The Sickness. Morning Sickness, they call it, but that is one of those big societal lies, like the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, or lowered taxes. It can come at you in the morning, the evening, 3am, 12 o’clock, or whatever time you would find most inconvenient. Sometimes it lasts all day and even all night long. No one actually knows what causes it. Some say it is the increase of estrogen and progesterone levels, some say it is the new sensitivity to smells, some say excess stomach acids, and still others say it is the hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) in the poor lady’s body that keeps increasing until about the 12th week or so — which, as a matter of fact, happens to be the time that most pregnant women start to feel better.

But not all!!

Oh no!

Robin’s mother was sick for the entire pregnancy… for all 4 kids. Needless to say, Robin is hoping to follow her sister (also a mother of 4) and… not be sick for the entire pregnancy. So far, well, the jury’s out on that one.

So, what are all these big words I keep bandying about? Human chori-whatsis? Progesticulate? Estro… well, most of us know what estrogen is. Just so you can be sure I am not trying to sound smart, and to allay any cynical thoughts that I am not the caring and inquisitive husband I am making myself out to be, I shall endeavour to show just you how SMRT I really am…

Estrogen is the hormone secreted by the woman’s ovaries that affects much of her body, especially the reproductive cycle and organs (it makes a woman a woman…).

Progesterone is the most dominant hormone during pregnancy. It has the effect of softening the the muscles in the body, possibly to help make sure that pre-term labour doesn’t occur. It also causes a general relaxing of the digestive track, which leads to excess stomach acids that could cause vomiting and heartburn, not to mention constipation… but those are for later. Read on!

hCG, or human chorionic gonadotropin (man that one -does- make me sound smart!), is a hormone that triggers ovulation (it’s sometimes injected to help women who have difficulty conceiving), is the deciding factor of most pregnancy tests, and "signals the corpus luteum to continue progesterone secretion, thereby maintaining the thick lining (endometrium) of the uterus, and providing an area rich in blood vessels in which the zygote(s) can develop." — the placenta takes over after about 10-13 weeks. Thank you answers.com!

There.

Now, moving on…

There is another element to pregnancy that they don’t advertise to the world at large. Namely, the fact that a woman’s immune system is lowered to prevent rejection of the new life form growing inside her. This, unfortunately, leave the a lot more vulnerable to getting sick — but regular sickness, not the morning variety. We found this out the hard way when we went camping down by Mount St. Helens and Robin came back with a throat infection… that quickly turned into a really bad cold… with fevers… and vertigo.

Yeah.

Robin ended up having to stay home from work for the better part of 2 week. The damned thing just wouldn’t go away! The symptoms seemed to lessen over time, but her body really had to work for it. The worst things, the ones that kept sticking around week after week, were the cough and the vertigo.

Now if you have never had vertigo, believe me, you don’t want it. It is not like the fun times you had as a kid, spinning yourself about in circles until the ground moved like the ocean, you couldn’t stand up, and you tossed your mom’s tasty tuna sandwich on the grass. That was fun. Not so, vertigo. Imagine all of those things, but involuntary — and all the time. Not fun. Not. And Robin had had a serious issue with vertigo several years ago, so the memories only made it worse for her.

Now add morning sickness to all of the above and you have the recipe for one seriously unhappy pregnant lady…

(to be continued in part 2)