Flowers and a whole roasted chicken... the ultimate gift! aka: FEAR THE PREGNANT LADY!!!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 11:43:38 -0700

Cravings.

Ohhh cravings!!

This may be the most ridiculously funny, odd, and sometimes scary part of pregnancy from a man’s point of view. I’m not kidding! If there is one little piece of advice I can offer all you pregnant men out there it is this:

When the pregnant lady wants something — get it!

It doesn’t matter how weird it is, how seemingly pointless, or how tired or lazy you are feeling at that moment. Get off your ass, say "Yes, honey. Right away, honey." and take your sorry butt to the store, restaurant, swap meet, chicken wing emporium, or wherevever else you might have to go. And do it now, pregnant men! Do it now!

Why, you say?

What about your needs?

HAH!

You, sir, are a moron!

FEAR THE PREGNANT LADY!!!

Have you ever seen a pregnant lady, as my new friend over at Shrodinger’s Rabbit alluded to, grow into a huge, building crushing godzilla?

Not fun.

I encourage you (by all that’s holy!!!) to avoid this at all cost.

I’ve been pretty good about it, I think, and as a result, Robin’s cravings have been mostly amusing. There have been waaaayyyy too many in these past 14 weeks to list, but trust me — funny.

To me, anyway.

Some of them last for days with her! Regular things like wonton soup, pho, and tomatoes and eggs — Nothing else. Just a plate full of eggs covered with tomatoes.

She eats it like ice cream.

Go figure.

And be aware, fellas, that gifts of food — especially if you know what the craving of the week, day, or minute is — are only going to get you in the pregnant lady’s good books. Once, when Robin was in the midst of a freak out of sorts, I brought flowers to her work — the nearly unscented kind… THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT — and I also brought her an entire roast chicken from the grocery store.

Yes, you heard me right.

An entire roast chicken.

It was a hit, as she was not impressed with her lunch that day and was on the roasted chicken craving that week.

This brings up two things that I should note:

Bring her what she wants, in large quantity if need be, but don’t ever, EVER make a comment about it. Even if she seems in good humour and you think you are being funny, the possibility of a laugh is faaaarrrr outweighed by the possibility of making a pregnant lady feel fat. DON’T DO IT MAN!!!

Be up to date!!! Otherwise, you risk her throwing up all over you. Robin had an intense love for cheese even before the pregnancy — but it was quite suddenly and quite dramatically reversed…

Beware.

Oh! And go shopping with her, man! She will enjoy your company, you will find it amusing fending off the impulse buys (bring a list, boys… bring a list!), and, most importantly, she will enjoy your company.

Live by the above, and you will (probably) survive.

At least you will stand a fighting chance!

holy crap, I'm pregnant! - Cravings

Flowers and a whole roasted chicken... the ultimate gift! aka: FEAR THE PREGNANT LADY!!!