holy crap, I'm pregnant! - Belly Pics

I'm Pregnant... F--- Off!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 16:08:51 -0700

Yep, you read it right.

Don’t look at me, she’s the one who said it — and no, it was not directed at me.

Normally, I try to keep this G-rated. Not for any particular reason, I just usually find that when I write, I swear less than when I speak. Now, I just consider it practice for when the kid is born.

Bad potty-mouth! BAD!!!

Honestly, though, sometimes there is just no better way to get your point across. Note, however, that I did censor the title. That was for you, Mom.

I told my mother the title of the next post and she was less than impressed…

Until I told her the story behind it.

Robin and I were waiting in the car one morning — i had just missed my commuter train and we had a half-hour until the next one — and she was telling me how people were really starting to piss her off.

Robin is carrying high and looks about 3 weeks further along then she actually is. You may remember some mention of this previously in the post No twins… breathes — but I SAW IT MOVE!!!!

We are not having twins. Everyone knows we are not having twins.

But that doesn’t stop them from asking Robin if she is sure.

Also, we are due in the first week of May. Everyone knows we are due in the first week of May.

But that doesn’t stop them from asking Robin if she is due in March — and when she says no, in May, it doesn’t stop them from developing this look of pitying horror that she is going to grow larger still.

Robin is a cute pregnant lady. She actually carries it very well. Sexy, even.

On some level, she is aware of this — but no woman likes to be reminded that she is only going to get bigger. Or that she is possibly going to have to push out some gargantuan nine pound baby through something that can not even imagine that size. In this case, size really does matter!!

As a man, I can’t even fathom the concept. From what she tells me, Robin is having some difficulty with it as well…

So anyway, with all of these people — many of whom are parents and should know better — asking these silly and irritating questions, Robin says to me: "Sometimes I just want to look at them and say… ‘I’m pregnant… Fuck off!!’"

To which I, of course, reply with uproarious laughter and say "that should be on a t-shirt".

Robin smiles at me indulgently and then says quite seriously: "It really should be! ….I would wear it."

I grinned at her and gave her a kiss, and later, when I was on my lunch break from work… I had it made for her.

Doesn’t she look cute!? I mean… it’s a sexy, mess with me and I will totally rip your nuts off kind of cute…. but cute, yes?

She just wishes she could wear it to work…

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Still a cutie!!

Ohhhhh I'm back baby!!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 13:41:53 -0700

Iiiiii’m BACK! And I’m ringin’ the bell. I’m rockin’ on the mic while the fly girls…

Wait a minute…

Those are Vanilla Ice lyrics.

Don’t ask me how I know them — because I won’t tell you…

Anyway… for those of you who have been anxiously waiting for me to start writing again after the shenanigans that are the holidays and going back to work, I’m here to tell you:

Robin is HUGE.

And this was a couple weeks ago…

Ohhhh you guessed it. We are 25 weeks along today, that baby is doing backflips, acrobatics AND martial arts — and Robin can’t see her feet. Not without effort, anyway. That dark line that some pregnant ladies get down their bellies (linea negra) has, at the belly button and below, become almost 3/4’s of an inch wide — and the belly button itself, well, that sucker is set to turn inside out any day now! I wonder, sometimes, about women who already have an outie… does it get bigger? shrugs Random thought.

Robin is also starting to get stretchmarks… she wasn’t happy about the idea at first — but now she thinks they are kind of pretty. I like them. They are interesting little maps or lightning bolts if you have any degree of imagination. Oh, and ladies, for those of you who are now saying that you will make sure you never get stretchmarks, that you will bathe in cocoa butter if you have to… sorry. You are out of luck. Some women get ‘em, some don’t — most do. To keep them from

This is today — and no, those aren’t stretchmarks. She just woke up… She’s not that pale either… bad lighting.

sticking around afterward, as I have been informed, cocoa butter is good, as it helps keep the skin in good shape, but there is one super-important thing you must remember above all else…

Don’t scratch.

Yep. That’s it. I don’t know what you want from me — this isn’t the cure for cancer I am offering here.

Other important things of note hat have happened this past month are as follows — and in no particular order:

-Our friend Crystal has had her little baby boy. Took about 10 minutes and 3 pushes. Her husband almost missed it while parking the car. If only Robin will be so lucky… Cute kid though. Looked like a wrinkly little gnome.

-Robin’s good friend and co-worker has announce that she is pregnant. this is exciting as this is the same friend that got married a week after us — and our baby now has two friends — and maybe even a future date — by default. We don’t know the sex of our baby or theirs — so date may not be in the cards. I’m open minded though. It’s a whole new millennium after all. As long as the kid’s happy, right?

-I felt the baby move for the first time a few weeks back. Robin had begun to feel it a little bit, but I had been denied repeatedly. I casually draped my arm over Robin one morning, half asleep, and there it was! Woke me right up! I was so excited, it was all I could talk about for 3 days! Now, we can actually see the little bulges sometimes!!! :D — And the little punk has already kicked me in the ass once while Robin was cuddling me from behind. This is how I know the kid is going to be just like me — and just like his/her mother. She is a punk too.

-Robin and I almost moved. We were hell bent on getting a better place, somethig we could settle into for a long time. then we worked out the budget and realised that, sticking to that budget, but staying where we are and keeping the difference in rent for six months — saved us more than $4000.00. We will be staying where we are until at least July. Well, that is provided that the people upstairs don’t piss us off so much with their 3am inconsiderate noise making that we don’t… move. To say anything else would be potentially incriminating. And for those who take things to seriously…. that was a JOKE.

-I had a few minor panic attacks regarding my job. I like it. I like the money it brings in. I don’t lke this 3 month probation period thing where they can let you go without cause or explanation or recompense. That is almost over. Things seem to be going well. But you never truly know until the fat lady, as they say, sings. No I am not talking about Robin. She is the Pregnant Lady. She is a sexy goddess and don’t any of you forget it!

Perhaps one of the most interesting, and definitely one of the most recent, developments, is that Robin has now entered the nesting stage. Ohhh has she!!! She is intent on overhauling the entire house. Just the other day, she did something like 500 loads of laundry. I’m serious!! She washed nearly everything we own, dirty or not. I think she as just waiting for me to come home so she could wash the clothes off my back! It’s actually kind of funny, but I worry about her overworking herself.

Heh… the other day, she picked me up from the train after I got off of work… I opened the door to the car, and there is Robin, in the driver’s seat, cleaning wipe in hand, scrubbing away happily. I look at her a moment and say "Hi baby, how’re you doing?" She responds gleefully: "Hi Baby! I’m cleaning!!!" It may have been a "had to be there" moment, but I couldn’t even get into the car for a good 2-3 minutes beacuse I was laughing so hard.

That’s all for today folks! I will be back soon, at least weekly, maybe more, so stay tuned for tales of Robin’s voracious hunger and the kung fu baby that will soon start to double in size every week!!!

Oh yes, and Robin is still carrying high, for those of you who are interested in that sort of thing and whatever it may mean. She looks like she is almost 7 months along… but she isn’t…

No twins... breathes -- but I SAW IT MOVE!!!!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 23:15:48 -0700

And it was bloody amazing too!!!

The ultrasound, sonogram or whatever you want to call it, was probably the coolest thing I have thus far seen in my life! And I thought hearing the hearbeat was cool… I saw it!!! I also saw the baby’s spine, its little toes, its fingers, and it’s creepy demon-face when the ultrasound saw right through its face. Really did seem like a little alien then…

AND I SAW IT MOVE!!!!!

It was a wriggly little thing. It was giving the technician nothing but trouble (and I apologise for my judicious use of the word "it", Robin — but if I say "the baby" constantly, it may drive people batty…) — and the trouble didn’t surprise me at all. This child will be like both of its parents: a pure, unadulterated, uncut punk-ass. This alien is sooo going to take over the world…

First the baby wouldn’t move. Just kept all its limbs right in the way of the attemtps to take pictures of its insides. Then, all of a sudden, its arm shot UP over its head and the opposite leg kicked DOWN! And our baby was in a semi-superman pose. Then the arm went down — then up again!

And the baby was either sucking its thumb, or putting its thumb against its nose with all finger splayed open and pointing upward while it said "naa nana naaaa naaaaaaaaa".

I’m betting on the latter.

After that, there was no stopping it. The kid was practically doing summersaults!

And no, we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl. We don’t want to know. Surprises are peachy! What we do know, is that there is only 1 — count ‘em — ONE… baby in there. Twins would have been an adventure, but one is way more than enough for me for the first go ‘round. The Pregnant Lady is relieved too… she never did figure out how she would feed two of them. Even the thought of it made her breasts hurt…

We also know that the baby is right on schedule. 1st week of May, baby! Can’t wait to meet’cha!

Everything is normal… Robin is just carrying big.

And me? I’m giddy.

This was one of the most true and awesome moments of my life.

I was utterly enthralled.

Robin said that her favourite part of the whole experience was watching the look on my face.

*grins stupidly*

Belly Pics!!! -- Part 2

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sun, 25 Nov 2007 22:29:57 -0700

Here is another belly pic for you all! This one’s a nearly naked one — well, the belly’s naked, anyway… No perv’s allowed!!

Click me for full-sized, goodness!

Belly Pics!!! -- Part 1

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 11:06:20 -0700

We are now just over 16 weeks!!!

Apparently, the baby is starting to become a fatty.

This helps with the development of metabolism and such.

Robin, however, is looking very sexy — not fat at all. shakes head emphatically That round belly is a beautiful, sexy, magnet for my attentions.

Here’s a pic of the sexy pregnant lady — no nude belly shots yet (you pervs!).

The pic is from her birthday, so you may have discovered it already on Facebook — but you know you wanna look again!

Below, you will find the full pic and another of a very cool gift from our friend Cathleen.

Down here…..

Awwww, ain’t we sweet? This is the best shirt, EVER!!!

Click them for full-size.