holy crap, I'm pregnant! (Entries tagged as baby)

Yes there is a baby and yes this blog will continue! -- Just need some sleep first...

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:23:51 -0600

Hi!

I recently recieved a comment asking about the status of the blog and the baby. I replied — at length — and then realised I should just post the reply here!

Here is what I wrote:

I haven’t forgotten about the blog, and I probably should have made some post stating as much by now — but being a Dad is extremely time consuming! Who would have thought? :P I am so busy between baby and work and people constantly coming by and just trying to get some bloody REST that I haven’t had the time to even consider writing.

Well, that’s not true. I considered it.

I just spent all my spare moments vegetating…

Never fear! I will be back soon!! The steady stream of visitors has finally lulled!!!!

Look for several posts in the near future detailing the trials and tribulations and overt freakouts that followed the last post. Be here for the emotional displays! Be here for the tons and TONS of baby pics that I STILL CAN’T STOP TAKING!! Be here for the lack… of… sleep……….. !

And thanks to Kae for kicking me in the ass about this!

Don't try this at home, kids...

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 10:17:47 -0600

Seriously — trying to write a blog post in the latter stages of pregnancy is… nuts. Oh I’m sure there is time. Really. But I am so spun about, freaked out, excited, anxious, happy, in awe and otherwise generally wiggin’, that when I get a minute to do something, that minute is occupied by me staring at the TV, or simply staring at the wall, the ceiling, or a book.

Or sleeping.

There has been lots of sleeping lately. I am not usually a nap person — and I am a night person to boot — once I’m up, I’m up. Saturday afternoon, though, I passed out, sitting up, for about 2 and a half hours. And I’m not sick — this time.

Robin has been especially anxious lately as well — but she has more right to it than me.

She is cramping, the baby is pummelling her from the inside (usually her bladder, poor girl), her hips are hurting, moving about can be difficult, and she is generally uncomfortable all the time. Let’s not forget the fact that she is just a teensy bit worried about pushing a 6-10 pound giant out of her body. Imagine sweating out a rock if you need assistance with the concept.

Ow.

So yeah, she’s a bit freaked out right now.

And just to make things… interesting…. we have upped the stakes in this game a bit.

We are moving.

Tomorrow.

Yes, you heard me right. Or read me… whatever.

Why are we moving, you ask? Are we crazy, you ask? Well, the answer the second question is: yes, probably. The first… wellllll, we have two dogs. And we rent. And it is getting harder and harder to find dog-friendly places in this city, so, when we found one, randomly (and by randomly, I mean through Robin’s obsessive trolling of Craigslist), we decided that we should jump on it now, rather than in July like we planned.

I figure the baby will start things off being a punk — and will come on moving day.

Don’t try this at home, kids.

I’m not kidding, we could have this baby any day now. Any time… As a matter of fact, Robin could call me while writing this post and tell me to get my ass home.

*waits*

…

…..

Well. It could happen!

We have been cocked, loaded, and ready to fire for a week and a half now. Robin and I discovered that, while a due date for pregnancy is set at about 40 weeks, the actual full term for the baby’s development is 38 weeks. we are now 39 and a half. So yeah. any day now…

And we’re not even done packing yet!!!

Boys, Girls, and Crazy Monkey Babies...

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 11:19:00 -0600

The other day, Robin and a friend (who is also pregnant) were messaging each other on Facebook. Robin had mentioned she had heartburn, and that she was getting it fairly often. Her friend responds thus:

“oohh, heart-burn, they say that means your baby will have a load of hair! No bald babies for Bin & Bobby.”

My response to this statement is…eh? Seriously….. eh??

I really don’t get the relationship. I mean, I was a hairy baby — as Robin was so kind to point out to her friend… on Facebook. As a matter of fact, my mother had me convinced until I was eight years old that I was born covered with thick hair — covered everywhere, that is, except for a bald patch on my chest in the shape of an M… for Monkey. Yeah yeah, laugh it up… Anyway, all that hair fell out. And apparently continued to fall out — have you seen my pictures from the last couple years? I can still grow the stuff, but let’s be honest shall we? I am just glad my mother was dilligent in turning me when I was a baby. I have a nice round head that looks good shaven.

But I digress…

The point of this ramble is this: What could heartburn in the mother possilbly have to do with the amount of hair on the the baby — the kind that falls out quickly or otherwise? Isn’t that stuff handled by genetics? I am pretty sure it is… And I believe in magic and unicorns and such. Oh, and dragons. Lots of dragons…

I did some research, and myths such as this one abound. There are tons of them — with multiple variations that often contradict each other and vary by the teller. Most are surrounding the preeminent mystery that is the sex of the baby. The conclusion of my research? Well, I think that people just think they are fun and want to be involved. I can’t blame them. The whole thing is one of life’s great mysteries. It’s nutty! I did have one major epiphany though:

Regarding the sex of the baby…

I think there’s a 50-50 chance.

Anyhoo, read and you will find a small list of some of the different myths I have come across, with the obligatory commentary by me, of course — you didn’t think I would pass up a chance to voice my opinion, did you?

(http://www.pregnancy-info.net/wives_tales_and_myths.html - this is one of the many sites I looked at, and one of the most comprehensive. The info below comes from them.)

Carrying High, Carrying Low
The way you are carrying during your pregnancy is one of the most oft cited ways of determining the sex of your baby. The general story goes that, if you’re carrying low, you’re having a boy. If you are carrying high, then you must be having a girl. Science says “NO, NO, NO!” to this: the way you carry is determined by muscle and uterine tone as well as the position of your baby. But who’s to say that boys don’t like being lower in their mom’s stomach while girls prefer a view from the top?

(I almost buy this one. It’s up there with boys being made of snails and puppy dog tails…)

What Your Urine Says
This next test to determine a baby’s sex may not be for everyone, although it is very simple. Just take a sample of your urine and mix it with Drano. Depending on the color change of your urine, you will have a boy or a girl. Unfortunately, there is no consensus on what color equals which sex. So, if you do decided to try this and your urine turns bluish yellow, brownish, brown, black or blue you will be having a boy. If your urine looks more greenish brown, green, blue or doesn’t change at all, then you’re having a girl. But be warned: if you decide to do this test, there could be some pretty harsh fumes produced - not to mention the possibility of an explosion!

(Ok… my opinion of this is WTF?)

Heartbeats
One belief that has been around for some time, and even had some acceptance in the medical community at one point, is that the fetal heartbeat differs for boys and girls. If you’re having a girl, then the fetal heart rate will be above 140. A boy will have a heart rate below 140. However, that pesky science has reared its little head again to say that this is complete fiction. A baby’s heart rate is not affected by its sex until it is born, when a girl’s heart rate will increase considerably compared with boys during labor.

(Well, if this one wasn’t proven wrong, we would -definitely- be having a girl…)

Craving Something…Sweet?
Many people believe that your cravings are caused by the sex of your baby. So, if you can’t get enough chocolate, you could be having a girl. Does the idea of drinking straight lemon juice sound delicious to you? Then those sour cravings are a result of the little boy inside of you. However, if you go by the scientists, then some of them will claim that you’re not even having cravings because cravings just don’t exist.

(Cravings don’t exist??? Now -that-, you science freaks, is a load of crap! I have -seeeen- the terrible call of the craving! I know it’s might! It successfully sends me to the store when I am relaxing!! You are -insane- science freaks!!! INSANE I TELL YOU!!!! — and Robin has been craving chocolate lately…)

Weight Gain
Thankfully, this one doesn’t refer to your weight gain. The belief is that, if your husband puts on weight during your pregnancy, then you will be having a girl. If he doesn’t put on a pound, then you’re carrying a boy.

(Well, so far, all signs were pointing girl — until now. Robin is convinced, in fact, that I have been -losing- weight. Figure that out! ooooooooooooooo… )

Is Her Face Round and Full?
Some say that the shape and fullness of your face during pregnancy can indicate your baby’s sex. Every woman gains weight differently during pregnancy, and every woman experiences different skin changes. If people tell you that because your face is round and rosy you are having a girl, they might be right - but it’s just as likely that they are wrong!

(A friend of ours gained a fair amount in the face — definitely rounder — and she just had an untrasound that proves it is a boy. One more point for ambiguity!)

At-Home Tests

Here’s a test that you can do next time you change or get out of the bath. Look in the mirror at your breasts. If the right one is larger, you’re having a boy! A larger left breast indicates a girl (if they’re the same size, does that mean you’re having one of each?). (*blinks*)

Hold a pendant over your hand. If the necklace swings back and forth, you’re having a boy. If it is more of a circular motion, then it’s a girl. This can also be done by suspending a ring on a string above your belly. (This one sounds… neat. Like dousing for water or something. I won’t count it out…)

Do you have acne? Some believe that getting acne during your pregnancy indicates you’re carrying a girl. Maybe the acne is caused by twice the amount of female hormones? (What do think Robin? Girl, again?)

Pick up a key. If you’ve picked it up by the thinner end, you’re having a girl. Picking it up by the bottom, rounder part means a boy is on the way. Did you pick it up by the middle? Then congratulations! You’re having twins! (Ok, this one just seems random…)

Ask yourself what you think you’re having. In a study that asked women with no previous knowledge about their baby’s sex, the moms-to-be correctly guessed the sex of their baby 71% of the time. (Robin seems confused by this one — she’s had dreams of both. Sometimes she leans one way, then the other. What’s your gut (*chuckles*) say, baby?)

Other Pregnancy Beliefs (Ok, I’m just going to blink at these ones… *blinks*)

If you hold your arms above your head, your baby’s umbilical cord will get wrapped around its head and choke it. This myth may have a spiritual basis or it may have been a way to keep women from doing anything when they were pregnant (perhaps the myth was created by an overworked mother?). However, if your baby gets caught up in its umbilical cord (which happens in about a 1/3 of births) it is because your baby was very fidgety inside of you and moved around a lot, not because of you.

Similar to this is the belief in Hawaiian tradition that pregnant women should not wear leis. This folktale believed that wearing a lei would cause the umbilical cord to wrap around the baby’s head and choke it. Nowadays, most people recognize that this folktale is a little over-the-top.

A pregnant woman should not take baths. This myth is routed in the belief that water can get into the vagina and thereby introduce bacteria to the baby. Scientists have proven that water does not enter a woman’s vagina during a bath. In fact, baths will probably help pregnant women feel better by helping them relax.

Can You Determine the Sex of Your Baby Before it is Even Conceived? (Personally, I find this a bit silly — I think people put much to much importance on having one or the other. Yes, I know there are cultural dealies involved, but honestly, people should just be happy with whatever little miracle they are blessed with.)

There are old wives tales that dictate what you should do to increase your chances of conceiving a girl or a boy, depending on what you want. And modern science is even getting itself involved in this one. There are books that will tell you the best time during your ovulation cycle to conceive a girl or a boy. As mentioned above, people are turning to popular books such as How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby. There are also kits that come with charts, thermometers and vitamins to help create the “ideal” environment to produce a particular sex.

And then there are older methods based in Chinese lore that are said to aid in the sex selection. If you are really determined to have a girl or a boy, you can even have a scientist create the correct sexed zygote to implant inside of you. With the exception of the scientist who manipulates your fertilized egg, none of these methods can definitely determine the sex of your baby.

However, the Chinese birth chart is a very popular calendar used by many women not only to increase their changes of conceiving a girl or boy, but also to predict the sex of baby who is already conceived. This is so popular, in fact, that you can now load a Chinese birth chart onto your palm pilot with Heybaby software. This fun application also comes with an extensive list of old wives tales that you’re sure to find entertaining.

Well, there you have it folks… make of them what you will. Me? I’m just going to have some fun with the anticipation of it all!

Ohhhhh I'm back baby!!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 13:41:53 -0700

Iiiiii’m BACK! And I’m ringin’ the bell. I’m rockin’ on the mic while the fly girls…

Wait a minute…

Those are Vanilla Ice lyrics.

Don’t ask me how I know them — because I won’t tell you…

Anyway… for those of you who have been anxiously waiting for me to start writing again after the shenanigans that are the holidays and going back to work, I’m here to tell you:

Robin is HUGE.

And this was a couple weeks ago…

Ohhhh you guessed it. We are 25 weeks along today, that baby is doing backflips, acrobatics AND martial arts — and Robin can’t see her feet. Not without effort, anyway. That dark line that some pregnant ladies get down their bellies (linea negra) has, at the belly button and below, become almost 3/4’s of an inch wide — and the belly button itself, well, that sucker is set to turn inside out any day now! I wonder, sometimes, about women who already have an outie… does it get bigger? shrugs Random thought.

Robin is also starting to get stretchmarks… she wasn’t happy about the idea at first — but now she thinks they are kind of pretty. I like them. They are interesting little maps or lightning bolts if you have any degree of imagination. Oh, and ladies, for those of you who are now saying that you will make sure you never get stretchmarks, that you will bathe in cocoa butter if you have to… sorry. You are out of luck. Some women get ‘em, some don’t — most do. To keep them from

This is today — and no, those aren’t stretchmarks. She just woke up… She’s not that pale either… bad lighting.

sticking around afterward, as I have been informed, cocoa butter is good, as it helps keep the skin in good shape, but there is one super-important thing you must remember above all else…

Don’t scratch.

Yep. That’s it. I don’t know what you want from me — this isn’t the cure for cancer I am offering here.

Other important things of note hat have happened this past month are as follows — and in no particular order:

-Our friend Crystal has had her little baby boy. Took about 10 minutes and 3 pushes. Her husband almost missed it while parking the car. If only Robin will be so lucky… Cute kid though. Looked like a wrinkly little gnome.

-Robin’s good friend and co-worker has announce that she is pregnant. this is exciting as this is the same friend that got married a week after us — and our baby now has two friends — and maybe even a future date — by default. We don’t know the sex of our baby or theirs — so date may not be in the cards. I’m open minded though. It’s a whole new millennium after all. As long as the kid’s happy, right?

-I felt the baby move for the first time a few weeks back. Robin had begun to feel it a little bit, but I had been denied repeatedly. I casually draped my arm over Robin one morning, half asleep, and there it was! Woke me right up! I was so excited, it was all I could talk about for 3 days! Now, we can actually see the little bulges sometimes!!! :D — And the little punk has already kicked me in the ass once while Robin was cuddling me from behind. This is how I know the kid is going to be just like me — and just like his/her mother. She is a punk too.

-Robin and I almost moved. We were hell bent on getting a better place, somethig we could settle into for a long time. then we worked out the budget and realised that, sticking to that budget, but staying where we are and keeping the difference in rent for six months — saved us more than $4000.00. We will be staying where we are until at least July. Well, that is provided that the people upstairs don’t piss us off so much with their 3am inconsiderate noise making that we don’t… move. To say anything else would be potentially incriminating. And for those who take things to seriously…. that was a JOKE.

-I had a few minor panic attacks regarding my job. I like it. I like the money it brings in. I don’t lke this 3 month probation period thing where they can let you go without cause or explanation or recompense. That is almost over. Things seem to be going well. But you never truly know until the fat lady, as they say, sings. No I am not talking about Robin. She is the Pregnant Lady. She is a sexy goddess and don’t any of you forget it!

Perhaps one of the most interesting, and definitely one of the most recent, developments, is that Robin has now entered the nesting stage. Ohhh has she!!! She is intent on overhauling the entire house. Just the other day, she did something like 500 loads of laundry. I’m serious!! She washed nearly everything we own, dirty or not. I think she as just waiting for me to come home so she could wash the clothes off my back! It’s actually kind of funny, but I worry about her overworking herself.

Heh… the other day, she picked me up from the train after I got off of work… I opened the door to the car, and there is Robin, in the driver’s seat, cleaning wipe in hand, scrubbing away happily. I look at her a moment and say "Hi baby, how’re you doing?" She responds gleefully: "Hi Baby! I’m cleaning!!!" It may have been a "had to be there" moment, but I couldn’t even get into the car for a good 2-3 minutes beacuse I was laughing so hard.

That’s all for today folks! I will be back soon, at least weekly, maybe more, so stay tuned for tales of Robin’s voracious hunger and the kung fu baby that will soon start to double in size every week!!!

Oh yes, and Robin is still carrying high, for those of you who are interested in that sort of thing and whatever it may mean. She looks like she is almost 7 months along… but she isn’t…

Half way there!!!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 10:08:00 -0700

We have reached 20 weeks folks!!!

Apparently, this is the halfway point. I have been informed that this whole "9months" thing is a fairy tale. A baby is actually carried for 40 weeks — 10 months. After you hit 35 though — or somewhere in and around there — all bets are off. That kid could pop out at any given time!

*considers*

I suppose the term "all bets are off" notexactly true, either… pools on when the baby will decide to show its pretty face to the world are still open for a little while longer. Apparently, people do do this… there was mention of it at my work.

People will gamble on anything.

Anyway… 20 weeks. Time to get edumacational!!!

According to BabyCenter, the baby is now around 10 and a half ounces and approximately the shape of a banana — no… that’s not right… — approximately the length of a banana from the tip-top of the head to that cute little baby bum.

From head to heel, you’re lookin’ at about 10 inches.

Add a couple more if the baby starts striking poses with its hands over its head — which ours is wont to do… That’s a whole lotta baby right there!

Now here is where things get gross…

Baby now has a greasy white substance coating the entire body. The mental image here produces a bit of an ick factor — but this stuff (more professionally known as "vernix caseosa" — but I’ll stick with "stuff") is pretty important. It is to protect the baby’s skin while it is hanging out in the luxurious heated pool of life (amniotic fluid — I am enjoying the cheesy metaphors today… sue me). This is a good thing. No baby wants to be seen for the first time with dish-pan hands… ruins the cute factor!

This stuff is also practical during the birth as it makes the trip out a little easier with all of the slickness and whatnot.

The baby is also swallowing — for practice. Getting that digestive system warmed up. Cute, no? Now back to icky…

Meconium. Black stickyness that comes from cell loss, digestive secretions (yummy) and swallowed amniotic fluid. This is accumulating in the baby — and will be one of the kiddie’s first presents to the parents. Yup, you guessed it, sticky blackness in the first dirty diaper — I will do my best to remember not to freak out. Apparently some babies get rid of it during the delivery process.

Something to look forward to…

No twins... breathes -- but I SAW IT MOVE!!!!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 23:15:48 -0700

And it was bloody amazing too!!!

The ultrasound, sonogram or whatever you want to call it, was probably the coolest thing I have thus far seen in my life! And I thought hearing the hearbeat was cool… I saw it!!! I also saw the baby’s spine, its little toes, its fingers, and it’s creepy demon-face when the ultrasound saw right through its face. Really did seem like a little alien then…

AND I SAW IT MOVE!!!!!

It was a wriggly little thing. It was giving the technician nothing but trouble (and I apologise for my judicious use of the word "it", Robin — but if I say "the baby" constantly, it may drive people batty…) — and the trouble didn’t surprise me at all. This child will be like both of its parents: a pure, unadulterated, uncut punk-ass. This alien is sooo going to take over the world…

First the baby wouldn’t move. Just kept all its limbs right in the way of the attemtps to take pictures of its insides. Then, all of a sudden, its arm shot UP over its head and the opposite leg kicked DOWN! And our baby was in a semi-superman pose. Then the arm went down — then up again!

And the baby was either sucking its thumb, or putting its thumb against its nose with all finger splayed open and pointing upward while it said "naa nana naaaa naaaaaaaaa".

I’m betting on the latter.

After that, there was no stopping it. The kid was practically doing summersaults!

And no, we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl. We don’t want to know. Surprises are peachy! What we do know, is that there is only 1 — count ‘em — ONE… baby in there. Twins would have been an adventure, but one is way more than enough for me for the first go ‘round. The Pregnant Lady is relieved too… she never did figure out how she would feed two of them. Even the thought of it made her breasts hurt…

We also know that the baby is right on schedule. 1st week of May, baby! Can’t wait to meet’cha!

Everything is normal… Robin is just carrying big.

And me? I’m giddy.

This was one of the most true and awesome moments of my life.

I was utterly enthralled.

Robin said that her favourite part of the whole experience was watching the look on my face.

*grins stupidly*

It has a heartbeat!! IT'S ALIIIIIIIVE!!!!!!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 00:52:36 -0600

Tonight, I was going to write the 2nd installment of The Sickness,
as I am still trying to catch the blog up to the actual current
happenings of the pregnancy — but I couldn’t. Today was too
exciting!!! All of you out there who were waiting with baited breath to
see how poor Robin fared with her sickness upon sickness and overall
general discomfort (and I am sure there were a few of you… ), I’m
sorry. You will have to wait.

Why?

Because today was OBGYN day!!!

It
was our first appointment, and Robin was just passed 12 weeks — which
means there was a good chance of hearing the baby’s heartbeat.

Sooooo exciting!

What’s the big deal, you ask? Come ON, man!! We could hear the baby. While it is still this tiny little thing the size of a lime… while it is still inside of her… While…

So freakin’ cool.

So last night we were like a couple of kids waiting for Christmas — or whatever holiday you may engage in that requires you to wait an entire night

before opening a bunch of presents. We couldn’t sleep. Oh, it came in fits and starts, sure, but I am sure you know how that goes. We got up, skipped breakfast, and headed right to the doctor’s office. By the time we got there, we were a little more settled. After all, this wasn’t to be all fun and games… there were questions and forms and… PAP smears. Robin had told me previously that the OBGYN came highly recommended; apparently, we were lucky to get referred to him. Ask any woman, though, and she will tell you — a PAP smear is no fun. At all. And for me… I had developed a fear that I might be expected to be there while it happened…

Ohhh dread!

We watched as the other patients came and went from the inner offices… none seemed the worse for wear. We were momentarily troubled, however, when it became apparent that the young woman who was calling the patients in — and was wearing a stethoscope — was not, in fact, a nurse. She was an intern.

Dun Dun DUNNNNNNNNNNN!

There was now an additional unknown to this equation. Would she be the one performing everything? Was she competent? Is… she going to sit there and watch? We put it out of our minds. Certainly, everything would be fine…

Honestly, I think Robin had an easier time of it than I did — but I can’t speak for her. I am pretty sure that my over-active imagination simply collided with the newness of everything, and the lingering effects of my previous excitement.

~~When our turn came to be called in became quickly apparent that I was, most definitely, a drama queen… er, king?~~

When our turn came to be called in, it became quickly apparent that I was being overdramatic. nods The intern turned out to be very nice — and quite competent insofar as I could tell. She asked us both many questions about our respective health history, as well as that of our families. I had thought I was prepared for this, but I promptly blanked out on a few key issues concerning my family. I have the information now and will have to call it in, but I felt a bit silly at the time.

When the questions were finished, the doctor and his intern invited us to come to the other room so we could continue — I think I froze a bit inside and it must have shown on my face, because, when I asked, ever so casually, if they were going to do the PAP test now and, if so, was I supposed to come along, I was greeted with amused looks and gently told "no". I think the doctor even laughed at me a bit! "No," they said. They wanted to see if they could hear the baby’s heartbeat — after that I could wait outside…

I won’t lie.

I was relieved.

Ohhh, don’t get me wrong, I intend to be in therefore the birth and all that, but there are some things a guy just doesn’t need to see. And before you ladies start (continue…?) scoffing at me, let me ask you this: When was the last time you went with your man/husband/boyfriend/father/friend to watch him get a prostate exam?

Hmmmm?

That’s what I thought.

Moving on…

As Robin got up on the table and things got started, I learned two things:

That the heartbeat might not be easy to find at our current stage in the pregnancy. And…
That the baby I had been talking to and kissing good night these past several weeks, was not anywhere near where I thought it was — it was actually much… lower.

Yeah.

When I mentioned it to my mother later, she laughed at me and said I should have been able to figure that one out… Thanks mom.

I was pretty disappointed that we might not get to hear the heartbeat, and more so when they seemed to be having a lot of trouble finding it. It was really starting to look like it wasn’t going to happen. I was surprised at how much I really wanted to hear it — and now! I didn’t want to wait for a month! I didn’t want to wait for a week — or an hour! I wanted…

Why was it so important to me anyway?

I was thinking about this and battling my disappointment when… it happened.

The doctor stepped in to show the intern a "trick" with the instrument (it’s called a fetal doppler, I believe) that involved angling the sensor higher than you would normally think to, and there it was. This wonderful, beautiful rhythm… a strong and steady cadence of sound. So fast. So… tiny.

That was my baby.

My baby.

My baby.

It hit me in a rush of emotion and clarity. I knew why it was so important to me. It was confirmation. There was now no room for any doubt whatsoever. No chance that it might be some fluke of the body fooling itself into a false pregnancy. No chance that something horrible had happened before this point. No chance that it was anything other than what it was.

My baby.

I thank God, the Universe, Allah, and any and all other conceptions of a higher power for that moment.

I will never forget it.

So I'm having a baby... Now what?

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 12:42:31 -0600

While the first thing I experienced may have been joy — mad, passionate, unadulterated joy — this was quickly followed by an overpowering and extremely urgent new thought:

I need a new job.

Baby’s cost money, man! Anybody can tell you so… And my current job simply was not going to cut it. There were bills to pay, debt to consider, baby classes, LaMas, baby yoga or other excercise, maternity clothes, food, diapers, car seats, strollers, cribs, diapers — did I say diapers? — daycare, moving (no way was a baby going to fit in our basement suite), baby clothes, toys, University — by the time the kid is ready to go to university, it ought to cost as much as buying a house — and what about buying a house??? Holy hell, what about the cost of other kids!?!?!!?

*insert mini panic attack here*

All of this took place in a matter of seconds, still in the doctor’s office, holding my wife’s hand while the doctor jabbered on about…something. I think it was vitamins… folic acid or something. I took a breath, slapped myself mentally a few times, and forced myself back to the present. It was utterly amazing to me how my train of thought jumped so far and so intently into the future. This had never happened before, not to this extent. When I first met Robin, one of the reasons I knew we were meant to be together was by a sudden shifting of consciousness, a realisation that I was no longer thinking about the next week, or the next month, or even the next couple of years. I was thinking about my life with her and my life in general in terms of at least 5 to 10 years in the future. I was making real plans — concrete ones. This was huge! Discovering we were going to have a baby was was pretty much the same thing — but on steroids. And this was only the first of many mini attacks since. My mother once actually had to forcibly remind me that the baby won’t be here tomorrow. We had time.

But I’m getting a bit ahead of myself…

You see, it wasn’t like Robin and I weren’t ready — entirely… We had talked often about having a baby in the near future, but, until a few months before the wedding, we had (mostly) decided that we wanted to pay our debt down first. Especially since the last job I had completely screwed me.

It hurt too.

I loved that job.

I was working as a marketing manager and business consultant for an up and coming online business and I was having a great time. I was being creative and contributing to something new and interesting. I was making decent cash. Robin and I had accumulated a bit of debt together moving to another province and planning for our wedding, and I had a significant amount of my own already (*kicks the butt of the student loan devil*), but we were establishing a plan to eat away at that. In short, things were looking pretty good.

Then they screwed me.

I won’t go into the details, but suffice it to say that I was a victim of a dwindling budget and an owner that felt he had gotten everything he needed out of me as the project was entering the next phase.

Bastard.

He screwed a couple other people too, I’ve heard, and the VP thought the situation sucked enough that he quit over it.

Anyway, this threw the proverbial monkeywrench into our plans and we ended up making up the difference with severance pay and credit cards. It nearly derailed our wedding plans. In the end, I ended up going into business for myself as a contractor so as to make ends meet and still give me the flexibility to have time off for the wedding. We were no longer as comfortable, but things seemed to be working out. So, after a bit more discussion, me and Robin decided that we were ready. She would stop taking the pill just before the wedding (so as to keep her fantastic figure for her wedding dress) and we would "see what happens". We didn’t think anything would happen too quickly, as we knew folks who were trying for some time before getting results.

As I mentioned in the previous post… we were wrong. Looks like it happened on the wedding night. What can I say? We’re fertile… Annnd consequently, we were both pleasantly surprised and slightly caught with our pants down — so to speak.

Now back to the needing of a different job…

The new job was kind of fun, and for the most part, I enjoyed it. There were two main problems: the money wasn’t steady enough to be planned on, and the work was proving to be dangerous. I was on the road (driving) 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, in city traffic and like any city, the more you are on the road, the more morons you meet. I began to feel like I was playing the odds, and that they were steadily building against me. I started thinking about aquiring different employment. It was a decision I had made previously, but once we realised that we were pregnant, "started thinking about" became "Now NOW NOW!!!!" I can’t be putting my life at risk when I have a baby on the way, not that kind of risk. Too many variables on the road. And the money… it needs to be steadier, something we can count on… and more! It needs to be more!!! After all there are diapers and clothes and university and… well, you get the idea.

So the hunt is on. It is an annoying, stressful, and generally trying task that I would much rather avoid, but the necessity of it is nipping at my heels, burning at my ass and otherwise driving me onward. The main problem with this job hunting thing is that, of all the things that I am qualified for — and I have done many different things in my short life — there is not one that I want to do again. Ultimately, I want to start my own business and I would like to write — and I would also like to do a hundred other things, all of which I intend to do… once I can afford it. Instead, I am preparing a cover letter to a company that hires people and trains them on the job in the electrician trade. It is my task to convince them that I have the right qualities they need for their business, regardless of the fact that I have no official training or experience.

Good thing I have experience in both writing and marketing, eh?

We’ll see…

But that’s not the only avenue I plan to trudge down. Oh no! Before I relegate myself back to the things I have done before, I will investigate being even a general labourer at a construction site. There are enough of the things around this town right now, and nasty as that work would be at this time of year, I hear it pays up to $24 an hour as a starting rate. The work would suck, but the paycheques would be oh-so-nice.

And like I said… I need money.

I’ve got a baby on the way.