I'm Pregnant... F--- Off!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 16:08:51 -0700

Yep, you read it right.

Don’t look at me, she’s the one who said it — and no, it was not directed at me.

Normally, I try to keep this G-rated. Not for any particular reason, I just usually find that when I write, I swear less than when I speak. Now, I just consider it practice for when the kid is born.

Bad potty-mouth! BAD!!!

Honestly, though, sometimes there is just no better way to get your point across. Note, however, that I did censor the title. That was for you, Mom.

I told my mother the title of the next post and she was less than impressed…

Until I told her the story behind it.

Robin and I were waiting in the car one morning — i had just missed my commuter train and we had a half-hour until the next one — and she was telling me how people were really starting to piss her off.

Robin is carrying high and looks about 3 weeks further along then she actually is. You may remember some mention of this previously in the post No twins… breathes — but I SAW IT MOVE!!!!

We are not having twins. Everyone knows we are not having twins.

But that doesn’t stop them from asking Robin if she is sure.

Also, we are due in the first week of May. Everyone knows we are due in the first week of May.

But that doesn’t stop them from asking Robin if she is due in March — and when she says no, in May, it doesn’t stop them from developing this look of pitying horror that she is going to grow larger still.

Robin is a cute pregnant lady. She actually carries it very well. Sexy, even.

On some level, she is aware of this — but no woman likes to be reminded that she is only going to get bigger. Or that she is possibly going to have to push out some gargantuan nine pound baby through something that can not even imagine that size. In this case, size really does matter!!

As a man, I can’t even fathom the concept. From what she tells me, Robin is having some difficulty with it as well…

So anyway, with all of these people — many of whom are parents and should know better — asking these silly and irritating questions, Robin says to me: "Sometimes I just want to look at them and say… ‘I’m pregnant… Fuck off!!’"

To which I, of course, reply with uproarious laughter and say "that should be on a t-shirt".

Robin smiles at me indulgently and then says quite seriously: "It really should be! ….I would wear it."

I grinned at her and gave her a kiss, and later, when I was on my lunch break from work… I had it made for her.

Doesn’t she look cute!? I mean… it’s a sexy, mess with me and I will totally rip your nuts off kind of cute…. but cute, yes?

She just wishes she could wear it to work…

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Still a cutie!!

15 weeks, Baby!! -- and sexy maternity pants...

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 23:34:54 -0700

It’s the size of an apple.

An apple with legs that are now longer than its arms (or getting there), eyes that are sensitive to light, tastebuds, and apparently breathes amniotic fluid through its nose to help develop its lungs. Oh… and, if you are so inclined to know what parts dangle or… don’t… from this apple, you can find out if you get a good picture. We are not so inclined. We like surprises — and our picture is a few weeks away yet anyway.

Still, that’s some fancy apple!

Robin is supposed to be on the mend, from what we’ve read and heard. The jury remains out. She is better every week, but there are still the occasional bad bouts of The Sickness that pop up. She seems happier, overall, though. Especially since we went out last week and bought her first pairs of sexy maternity pants! She is sooo much more comfortable.

And I’m not kidding about the sexy, either.

Gone are the days of the mandatory moo-moos! Pregnancy fashion is hot! And… it’s in style, oddly enough. There are tons of women wandering about in shirts that seem like they are maternity wear — or at least reminiscent thereof. I’m convinced it has to do with how "fashionable" it has been to be pregnant in Hollywood the past couple of years.

But that’s neither here nor there… I was talking about pants!

Robin picked out a couple of nice pairs of cords that have this stretchy stuff that goes over the belly — put a shirt over that, and it looks for all the world as if she is wearing regular pants. Nice and form-fitting too, I might — and just did — add. She is so happy that she has something that fits her. She was rapidly running out of clothes. Even her "comfy jeans" were not cutting it anymore. You know what I’m talking about ladies — I understand that you all have a pair of "comfy jeans".

Around this stage in the pregnancy, most women are starting to show. Some not so much, some more than others. Robin falls into the latter category. She started to show pretty early and, I gotta tell you guys, it looks good on her! We are already at the stage of happy and curious belly rubbings…

It is long since time to break out the measuring tape and the camera.

*grins*

Stay tuned.

holy crap, I'm pregnant! (Entries tagged as clothes)

I'm Pregnant... F--- Off!

15 weeks, Baby!! -- and sexy maternity pants...