holy crap, I'm pregnant! (Entries tagged as doctor)

Boys, Girls, and Crazy Monkey Babies...

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 11:19:00 -0600

The other day, Robin and a friend (who is also pregnant) were messaging each other on Facebook. Robin had mentioned she had heartburn, and that she was getting it fairly often. Her friend responds thus:

“oohh, heart-burn, they say that means your baby will have a load of hair! No bald babies for Bin & Bobby.”

My response to this statement is…eh? Seriously….. eh??

I really don’t get the relationship. I mean, I was a hairy baby — as Robin was so kind to point out to her friend… on Facebook. As a matter of fact, my mother had me convinced until I was eight years old that I was born covered with thick hair — covered everywhere, that is, except for a bald patch on my chest in the shape of an M… for Monkey. Yeah yeah, laugh it up… Anyway, all that hair fell out. And apparently continued to fall out — have you seen my pictures from the last couple years? I can still grow the stuff, but let’s be honest shall we? I am just glad my mother was dilligent in turning me when I was a baby. I have a nice round head that looks good shaven.

But I digress…

The point of this ramble is this: What could heartburn in the mother possilbly have to do with the amount of hair on the the baby — the kind that falls out quickly or otherwise? Isn’t that stuff handled by genetics? I am pretty sure it is… And I believe in magic and unicorns and such. Oh, and dragons. Lots of dragons…

I did some research, and myths such as this one abound. There are tons of them — with multiple variations that often contradict each other and vary by the teller. Most are surrounding the preeminent mystery that is the sex of the baby. The conclusion of my research? Well, I think that people just think they are fun and want to be involved. I can’t blame them. The whole thing is one of life’s great mysteries. It’s nutty! I did have one major epiphany though:

Regarding the sex of the baby…

I think there’s a 50-50 chance.

Anyhoo, read and you will find a small list of some of the different myths I have come across, with the obligatory commentary by me, of course — you didn’t think I would pass up a chance to voice my opinion, did you?

(http://www.pregnancy-info.net/wives_tales_and_myths.html - this is one of the many sites I looked at, and one of the most comprehensive. The info below comes from them.)

Carrying High, Carrying Low
The way you are carrying during your pregnancy is one of the most oft cited ways of determining the sex of your baby. The general story goes that, if you’re carrying low, you’re having a boy. If you are carrying high, then you must be having a girl. Science says “NO, NO, NO!” to this: the way you carry is determined by muscle and uterine tone as well as the position of your baby. But who’s to say that boys don’t like being lower in their mom’s stomach while girls prefer a view from the top?

(I almost buy this one. It’s up there with boys being made of snails and puppy dog tails…)

What Your Urine Says
This next test to determine a baby’s sex may not be for everyone, although it is very simple. Just take a sample of your urine and mix it with Drano. Depending on the color change of your urine, you will have a boy or a girl. Unfortunately, there is no consensus on what color equals which sex. So, if you do decided to try this and your urine turns bluish yellow, brownish, brown, black or blue you will be having a boy. If your urine looks more greenish brown, green, blue or doesn’t change at all, then you’re having a girl. But be warned: if you decide to do this test, there could be some pretty harsh fumes produced - not to mention the possibility of an explosion!

(Ok… my opinion of this is WTF?)

Heartbeats
One belief that has been around for some time, and even had some acceptance in the medical community at one point, is that the fetal heartbeat differs for boys and girls. If you’re having a girl, then the fetal heart rate will be above 140. A boy will have a heart rate below 140. However, that pesky science has reared its little head again to say that this is complete fiction. A baby’s heart rate is not affected by its sex until it is born, when a girl’s heart rate will increase considerably compared with boys during labor.

(Well, if this one wasn’t proven wrong, we would -definitely- be having a girl…)

Craving Something…Sweet?
Many people believe that your cravings are caused by the sex of your baby. So, if you can’t get enough chocolate, you could be having a girl. Does the idea of drinking straight lemon juice sound delicious to you? Then those sour cravings are a result of the little boy inside of you. However, if you go by the scientists, then some of them will claim that you’re not even having cravings because cravings just don’t exist.

(Cravings don’t exist??? Now -that-, you science freaks, is a load of crap! I have -seeeen- the terrible call of the craving! I know it’s might! It successfully sends me to the store when I am relaxing!! You are -insane- science freaks!!! INSANE I TELL YOU!!!! — and Robin has been craving chocolate lately…)

Weight Gain
Thankfully, this one doesn’t refer to your weight gain. The belief is that, if your husband puts on weight during your pregnancy, then you will be having a girl. If he doesn’t put on a pound, then you’re carrying a boy.

(Well, so far, all signs were pointing girl — until now. Robin is convinced, in fact, that I have been -losing- weight. Figure that out! ooooooooooooooo… )

Is Her Face Round and Full?
Some say that the shape and fullness of your face during pregnancy can indicate your baby’s sex. Every woman gains weight differently during pregnancy, and every woman experiences different skin changes. If people tell you that because your face is round and rosy you are having a girl, they might be right - but it’s just as likely that they are wrong!

(A friend of ours gained a fair amount in the face — definitely rounder — and she just had an untrasound that proves it is a boy. One more point for ambiguity!)

At-Home Tests

Here’s a test that you can do next time you change or get out of the bath. Look in the mirror at your breasts. If the right one is larger, you’re having a boy! A larger left breast indicates a girl (if they’re the same size, does that mean you’re having one of each?). (*blinks*)

Hold a pendant over your hand. If the necklace swings back and forth, you’re having a boy. If it is more of a circular motion, then it’s a girl. This can also be done by suspending a ring on a string above your belly. (This one sounds… neat. Like dousing for water or something. I won’t count it out…)

Do you have acne? Some believe that getting acne during your pregnancy indicates you’re carrying a girl. Maybe the acne is caused by twice the amount of female hormones? (What do think Robin? Girl, again?)

Pick up a key. If you’ve picked it up by the thinner end, you’re having a girl. Picking it up by the bottom, rounder part means a boy is on the way. Did you pick it up by the middle? Then congratulations! You’re having twins! (Ok, this one just seems random…)

Ask yourself what you think you’re having. In a study that asked women with no previous knowledge about their baby’s sex, the moms-to-be correctly guessed the sex of their baby 71% of the time. (Robin seems confused by this one — she’s had dreams of both. Sometimes she leans one way, then the other. What’s your gut (*chuckles*) say, baby?)

Other Pregnancy Beliefs (Ok, I’m just going to blink at these ones… *blinks*)

If you hold your arms above your head, your baby’s umbilical cord will get wrapped around its head and choke it. This myth may have a spiritual basis or it may have been a way to keep women from doing anything when they were pregnant (perhaps the myth was created by an overworked mother?). However, if your baby gets caught up in its umbilical cord (which happens in about a 1/3 of births) it is because your baby was very fidgety inside of you and moved around a lot, not because of you.

Similar to this is the belief in Hawaiian tradition that pregnant women should not wear leis. This folktale believed that wearing a lei would cause the umbilical cord to wrap around the baby’s head and choke it. Nowadays, most people recognize that this folktale is a little over-the-top.

A pregnant woman should not take baths. This myth is routed in the belief that water can get into the vagina and thereby introduce bacteria to the baby. Scientists have proven that water does not enter a woman’s vagina during a bath. In fact, baths will probably help pregnant women feel better by helping them relax.

Can You Determine the Sex of Your Baby Before it is Even Conceived? (Personally, I find this a bit silly — I think people put much to much importance on having one or the other. Yes, I know there are cultural dealies involved, but honestly, people should just be happy with whatever little miracle they are blessed with.)

There are old wives tales that dictate what you should do to increase your chances of conceiving a girl or a boy, depending on what you want. And modern science is even getting itself involved in this one. There are books that will tell you the best time during your ovulation cycle to conceive a girl or a boy. As mentioned above, people are turning to popular books such as How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby. There are also kits that come with charts, thermometers and vitamins to help create the “ideal” environment to produce a particular sex.

And then there are older methods based in Chinese lore that are said to aid in the sex selection. If you are really determined to have a girl or a boy, you can even have a scientist create the correct sexed zygote to implant inside of you. With the exception of the scientist who manipulates your fertilized egg, none of these methods can definitely determine the sex of your baby.

However, the Chinese birth chart is a very popular calendar used by many women not only to increase their changes of conceiving a girl or boy, but also to predict the sex of baby who is already conceived. This is so popular, in fact, that you can now load a Chinese birth chart onto your palm pilot with Heybaby software. This fun application also comes with an extensive list of old wives tales that you’re sure to find entertaining.

Well, there you have it folks… make of them what you will. Me? I’m just going to have some fun with the anticipation of it all!

Bureaucracy can bite my ass

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 15:05:15 -0600

So we went to a different doctor — the day after the last post, as a matter of fact — and got pretty much what I expected. Robin may have bronchitis, but her body is doing ok at fighting it off — and if it comes back, they would prescribe penicillin. Penicillin! The antibiotic that is pretty much safe for anyone to take (unless they are allergic). That’s what the research and the doctors and pharmacists tell me, anyway. The new doctor also reccomended against taking the other pill.

Still no word on why the one that was not proven safe was the first doctor’s first choice.

We are not going to that doctor again.

It was good to get that cleared up and all that — but Robin is still sick. And now so am I… sigh Just a cold for us both now, though — or at least something that resembles a cold and has the added effect of leaving us reeeeaaaaallly tirrrrreeeddddd. Robin is not well enough, according to her OBGYN, that she should stay at home for at least the rest of the week.

Ohhh did that throw a monkeywrench into her plans.

The pregnant lady is not happy.

It goes beyond the sickness, though. Staying home for a week messes up her whole maternity leave plan. She was planning on getting a few days vacation at the end of this week, working next week, then taking the rest of her vacation until her mat leave kicks in. Being off this week means she can’t work the one day before her vacation that is required for her to actually qualify for it — why they do that, I don’t know, but it is a real pain in the pregnant lady’s ass. Not friendly to the pocketbook, either, since her sick time is used up. There was some talk being bandied about regarding medical EI (employment insurance), but that is just another bear altogether. Everyone knows the government is happy to take that money off of your paycheque — but they are loathe to give it back.

It’s like pulling teeth for them.

With pliers.

And no beer…

You can all rest assured that my kid will have a better dentist than me.

Anyway, this sickness is attempting to smash the plan, which will, in turn, try to dance away with the pocketbook. So Robin and I are attempting to discovewr and weigh our options — which includes the obligatory bureaucratic dance and much digging through union and government policies with glazed and sick eyes.

Fun, no?

We are also going to go back to the doctor and find out, once and for all, whether it is better for Robin to just go on leave now, rather than wait for another month as she was originally planning.

Ahh the wonderful details of pregnancy….

Don’t they just make you smile.

And if this post barely makes sense… I don’t care.

I’m sick.

The Sickness Returns!!!! ...again!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:59:08 -0700

Just when you think it’s safe to get back in the water…

Just when the world seems like it makes sense…

Just when you feel the need for stupid cliches has passed………

You were wrong.

Yep, you guessed it folks — and even if you didn’t, I’m going to tell you anyway — the (near) blissful (almost) comfort of the past several months (relative to the horror of the first trimester) has come to a sudden and really yucky halt. The Sickness has returned!!! …again!

It has changed form, certainly — but it is back nonetheless. And it is torturing poor Robin with the vengeance of one that has been too long denied.

Out of nowhere, Robin was bludgeoned with bronchitis. She has coughed up icky green stuff, she has had a fever — poor baby lives in a heatwave now — she has thrown up yucky liquids, and she has been relegated back to the “comforts” of the bed. I say “comforts” with those fabulous little bunny ears because, let’s face it, lying down for hours at a time is no fun for a pregnant lady.

Watch yourselves, ladies. The Sickness is tricksy.

It has even gotten into the mind of our doctor! Not the OBGYN — he’s in surgery all day and out of contact… — the GP that we generally go to. I have always been suspicious that he is one of those pill-pusher types doctors — you know, the kind that throw medication at everything, no matter what. When Robin got sick on top of the regular The Sickness in the earlier stages of the pregnancy, the doctor threw some strange pill at her that, upon researching, we discovered was actually banned from use in the US. I can’t remember what it was called now, but it turned out to be unnecessary.

Point is, it was banned somewhere due to possible badness to pregnant ladies.

And wasn’t necessary.

Bah!

This time around, he listens to Robin’s breathing, determines she has bronchitis and promtly throws a new pill at her — and a liquid med too (this one’s an expectorant/anti-asthma thingy). He didn’t even try to get a bacterial culture thingy to see what -kind- of bronchitis she has, specifically!We didn’t think too much of it at the time, because we know that bronchitis is the sort of infection that generally needs an antibiotic, but when we got home and did some checking on the effects of this drug (Biaxin or Claritromycin), we discover that it is not conclusive whether or not it is safe to take while pregnant. As a matter of fact, when I talked to a pharmacist today, she read to me right out of a book that said there have been relatively few human trials, and that those were inconclusive and need more testing, and that in the animal trials — poor animals and their babies! — the effects were not positive at all.

I know some people like to think so, but we are not so different than other animals when it comes to our basic workings. And yes we are animals too — don’t make me slap you!

Anyway, we are going to another doctor for a second opinion today. And I plan to call her OBGYN tomorrow. There are other options for bronchitis meds, and a couple of them are even determined to be “okay” for pregnant ladies to take. As long as the benefits outweigh the risks… Benefits, in this case, being that she gets better faster and the baby spends less time getting cooked by her body instead of baked at its regular, steady heat. Fever is not good for babies. Nope. Especially those unborn types.

I just hope we get some good information from this other doctor. I want options dammit! I want to be confident that the doctor isn’t just giving us what he or she figures is “okay” for the baby. I want to know that the doctor has put some serious thought into it and is giving us what he is sure is the lowest risk for the baby — and for Robin too.

So far, not feelin’ it.

I hope she feels better soon.

Misogynistic pregnant lady torturers!!!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 22:17:39 -0700

The person who came up with the rules about what you are supposed to do before an ultrasound must be some sort of misogynist. Seriously. You know those little forms you always get before any appointment that involves some sort of test? The ones that tell you not to eat for so many hours beforehand or whatever? Well, for an ultrasound, they tell you to drink a litre of water about 2 hours before — and to not go pee.

Now I don’t know how many of you who read this actually know anyone who knows, or know personally what it’s like to be pregnant — but that just doesn’t fly. The poor woman has to pee all the time as it is… and now she has to hold a litre of water for nearly 3 hours???

It’s insanity, I tell you.

Now poor Robin had to get up at 530 in the morning to practice this misogynistic ritual, because the appointment was at 730am. Yet more proof of the evil nature of The Man. It didn’t help that we had a a hard time getting to sleep the night before (we were excited), or that I kept waking up every hour or so convinced that it was time to get up and Robin must drink her water now. A tired body is not conducive to bladder control. Neither was flood of water falling from the sky, preparing to remind her with every drop how much she was carrying around in her — an amount that seriously wanted to reach out and join the downpour.

It also didn’t help that Robin’s body was not, at that time, made to handle a sudden intake of a large volume of water. As it was not made to handle such things, it — of course — rejected it. Into the sink. Several times. And poor Robin had to do it all over again.

Thankfully, the second time she was able to keep it down.

So we rushed her to the hospital’s ultrasound/medical imaging place. Her trying to ignore the pouring, POURING rain, me trying to get there quickly without a single hard start or stop — and definitely know sharp turns.

At this point… centrifuge bad.

I let her off by the door so she could run in while I park — and when I find her inside, she is waiting for me and practically doing the pee-pee dance. By the time we are in the waiting room, she has to go so bad she is nearly in tears. All I could do was try to tell her to hang in there — words that mean absolutely nothing in that situation. I just didn’t want her to run to the bathroom and then find out she had to do all of this again another day.

The lady at the desk was nice, though. She said Robin could go to the bathroom and let a bit out. If this happens to you, I recommend you learn extreme and very fine muscle control. In a hurry. Robin just barely pulled it off.

Now what’s the big deal, you say? If it’s necessary, then just do it?

Wellll that’s the thing now isn’t it?

When Robin finally got into the ultrasound room, the technician told her that all she had to do was be well hydrated the day before and have a glass of water a little bit before starting.

With all of the natural ways the body tortures pregnant women, why do some people think it necessary to inflict new and potentially humiliating horrors on them?

I’m telling you…!

Misogynists!

Holy crap, there might be TWINS!!!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sun, 25 Nov 2007 21:32:40 -0700

You heard me right! Twins!!!

hyperventilates

Robin had her second OBGYN appointment just the other day and, remember how I said she was getting really big, really fast? How she seemed all along to be showing early? Well… the doctor concurred. He said she seemed to be about a month further along than she should be — 20 weeks, instead of 16 — her uterus is already up behind her belly button!!!

(Apparently, this is more advanced than it should be. I really just spent my time nodding and looking like I knew it all along. "The uterus is up behind the belly button, you say? Like 20 weeks? And she’s 16 weeks?" Bobby nods sagely "Indeed, I was certain it was supposed to be somewhere below there for another… 4 weeks or so. continues with the sage nodding )

Really, though, this was a bit of a surprise — especially when he informed us that, when a woman carries twins, she usually shows about a month ahead. And that it skips a generation… generally. Robin’s dad has twin sisters. Apparently, it runs somewhere in my family too.

Don’t go jumping to conclusions though. Not yet, folks — and I say this as much for us as for you… When we listened to the heartbeat again — that always trips me right out and leaves me blubbering with awe — there was only one. A nice strong 157bpm, but one, nonetheless. Of course, the other could have been in behind or otherwise hiding out. Sneaky bugger. I’ll have to keep an eye on him or her…

It could also be that we are actually further along than we expected. there is very little chance of that — but the chance must be at least somewhat as good as the chance that we are having two.

The other option is that we are having a reeeeeeaaaallly big baby. If so… I’m so sorry, Robin.

decides to start training incase he has to run some high speed and long distance running in the near future

We should know know one way or the other in about 9 days. — Holy crap!! 9 days!!!! — The doctor found it all curious enough to up our first sonogram by about a month or so. Until then, we are trying not to speculate…

You can see from this blog post how well that’s going.

It has a heartbeat!! IT'S ALIIIIIIIVE!!!!!!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 00:52:36 -0600

Tonight, I was going to write the 2nd installment of The Sickness,
as I am still trying to catch the blog up to the actual current
happenings of the pregnancy — but I couldn’t. Today was too
exciting!!! All of you out there who were waiting with baited breath to
see how poor Robin fared with her sickness upon sickness and overall
general discomfort (and I am sure there were a few of you… ), I’m
sorry. You will have to wait.

Why?

Because today was OBGYN day!!!

It
was our first appointment, and Robin was just passed 12 weeks — which
means there was a good chance of hearing the baby’s heartbeat.

Sooooo exciting!

What’s the big deal, you ask? Come ON, man!! We could hear the baby. While it is still this tiny little thing the size of a lime… while it is still inside of her… While…

So freakin’ cool.

So last night we were like a couple of kids waiting for Christmas — or whatever holiday you may engage in that requires you to wait an entire night

before opening a bunch of presents. We couldn’t sleep. Oh, it came in fits and starts, sure, but I am sure you know how that goes. We got up, skipped breakfast, and headed right to the doctor’s office. By the time we got there, we were a little more settled. After all, this wasn’t to be all fun and games… there were questions and forms and… PAP smears. Robin had told me previously that the OBGYN came highly recommended; apparently, we were lucky to get referred to him. Ask any woman, though, and she will tell you — a PAP smear is no fun. At all. And for me… I had developed a fear that I might be expected to be there while it happened…

Ohhh dread!

We watched as the other patients came and went from the inner offices… none seemed the worse for wear. We were momentarily troubled, however, when it became apparent that the young woman who was calling the patients in — and was wearing a stethoscope — was not, in fact, a nurse. She was an intern.

Dun Dun DUNNNNNNNNNNN!

There was now an additional unknown to this equation. Would she be the one performing everything? Was she competent? Is… she going to sit there and watch? We put it out of our minds. Certainly, everything would be fine…

Honestly, I think Robin had an easier time of it than I did — but I can’t speak for her. I am pretty sure that my over-active imagination simply collided with the newness of everything, and the lingering effects of my previous excitement.

~~When our turn came to be called in became quickly apparent that I was, most definitely, a drama queen… er, king?~~

When our turn came to be called in, it became quickly apparent that I was being overdramatic. nods The intern turned out to be very nice — and quite competent insofar as I could tell. She asked us both many questions about our respective health history, as well as that of our families. I had thought I was prepared for this, but I promptly blanked out on a few key issues concerning my family. I have the information now and will have to call it in, but I felt a bit silly at the time.

When the questions were finished, the doctor and his intern invited us to come to the other room so we could continue — I think I froze a bit inside and it must have shown on my face, because, when I asked, ever so casually, if they were going to do the PAP test now and, if so, was I supposed to come along, I was greeted with amused looks and gently told "no". I think the doctor even laughed at me a bit! "No," they said. They wanted to see if they could hear the baby’s heartbeat — after that I could wait outside…

I won’t lie.

I was relieved.

Ohhh, don’t get me wrong, I intend to be in therefore the birth and all that, but there are some things a guy just doesn’t need to see. And before you ladies start (continue…?) scoffing at me, let me ask you this: When was the last time you went with your man/husband/boyfriend/father/friend to watch him get a prostate exam?

Hmmmm?

That’s what I thought.

Moving on…

As Robin got up on the table and things got started, I learned two things:

That the heartbeat might not be easy to find at our current stage in the pregnancy. And…
That the baby I had been talking to and kissing good night these past several weeks, was not anywhere near where I thought it was — it was actually much… lower.

Yeah.

When I mentioned it to my mother later, she laughed at me and said I should have been able to figure that one out… Thanks mom.

I was pretty disappointed that we might not get to hear the heartbeat, and more so when they seemed to be having a lot of trouble finding it. It was really starting to look like it wasn’t going to happen. I was surprised at how much I really wanted to hear it — and now! I didn’t want to wait for a month! I didn’t want to wait for a week — or an hour! I wanted…

Why was it so important to me anyway?

I was thinking about this and battling my disappointment when… it happened.

The doctor stepped in to show the intern a "trick" with the instrument (it’s called a fetal doppler, I believe) that involved angling the sensor higher than you would normally think to, and there it was. This wonderful, beautiful rhythm… a strong and steady cadence of sound. So fast. So… tiny.

That was my baby.

My baby.

My baby.

It hit me in a rush of emotion and clarity. I knew why it was so important to me. It was confirmation. There was now no room for any doubt whatsoever. No chance that it might be some fluke of the body fooling itself into a false pregnancy. No chance that something horrible had happened before this point. No chance that it was anything other than what it was.

My baby.

I thank God, the Universe, Allah, and any and all other conceptions of a higher power for that moment.

I will never forget it.

The Sickness -- morning, evening, night... pick one -- Part One

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 22:51:54 -0600

It wasn’t long after we were sure we were pregnant that Robin got hit with The Sickness. Morning Sickness, they call it, but that is one of those big societal lies, like the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, or lowered taxes. It can come at you in the morning, the evening, 3am, 12 o’clock, or whatever time you would find most inconvenient. Sometimes it lasts all day and even all night long. No one actually knows what causes it. Some say it is the increase of estrogen and progesterone levels, some say it is the new sensitivity to smells, some say excess stomach acids, and still others say it is the hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) in the poor lady’s body that keeps increasing until about the 12th week or so — which, as a matter of fact, happens to be the time that most pregnant women start to feel better.

But not all!!

Oh no!

Robin’s mother was sick for the entire pregnancy… for all 4 kids. Needless to say, Robin is hoping to follow her sister (also a mother of 4) and… not be sick for the entire pregnancy. So far, well, the jury’s out on that one.

So, what are all these big words I keep bandying about? Human chori-whatsis? Progesticulate? Estro… well, most of us know what estrogen is. Just so you can be sure I am not trying to sound smart, and to allay any cynical thoughts that I am not the caring and inquisitive husband I am making myself out to be, I shall endeavour to show just you how SMRT I really am…

Estrogen is the hormone secreted by the woman’s ovaries that affects much of her body, especially the reproductive cycle and organs (it makes a woman a woman…).

Progesterone is the most dominant hormone during pregnancy. It has the effect of softening the the muscles in the body, possibly to help make sure that pre-term labour doesn’t occur. It also causes a general relaxing of the digestive track, which leads to excess stomach acids that could cause vomiting and heartburn, not to mention constipation… but those are for later. Read on!

hCG, or human chorionic gonadotropin (man that one -does- make me sound smart!), is a hormone that triggers ovulation (it’s sometimes injected to help women who have difficulty conceiving), is the deciding factor of most pregnancy tests, and "signals the corpus luteum to continue progesterone secretion, thereby maintaining the thick lining (endometrium) of the uterus, and providing an area rich in blood vessels in which the zygote(s) can develop." — the placenta takes over after about 10-13 weeks. Thank you answers.com!

There.

Now, moving on…

There is another element to pregnancy that they don’t advertise to the world at large. Namely, the fact that a woman’s immune system is lowered to prevent rejection of the new life form growing inside her. This, unfortunately, leave the a lot more vulnerable to getting sick — but regular sickness, not the morning variety. We found this out the hard way when we went camping down by Mount St. Helens and Robin came back with a throat infection… that quickly turned into a really bad cold… with fevers… and vertigo.

Yeah.

Robin ended up having to stay home from work for the better part of 2 week. The damned thing just wouldn’t go away! The symptoms seemed to lessen over time, but her body really had to work for it. The worst things, the ones that kept sticking around week after week, were the cough and the vertigo.

Now if you have never had vertigo, believe me, you don’t want it. It is not like the fun times you had as a kid, spinning yourself about in circles until the ground moved like the ocean, you couldn’t stand up, and you tossed your mom’s tasty tuna sandwich on the grass. That was fun. Not so, vertigo. Imagine all of those things, but involuntary — and all the time. Not fun. Not. And Robin had had a serious issue with vertigo several years ago, so the memories only made it worse for her.

Now add morning sickness to all of the above and you have the recipe for one seriously unhappy pregnant lady…

(to be continued in part 2)

So I'm having a baby... Now what?

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 12:42:31 -0600

While the first thing I experienced may have been joy — mad, passionate, unadulterated joy — this was quickly followed by an overpowering and extremely urgent new thought:

I need a new job.

Baby’s cost money, man! Anybody can tell you so… And my current job simply was not going to cut it. There were bills to pay, debt to consider, baby classes, LaMas, baby yoga or other excercise, maternity clothes, food, diapers, car seats, strollers, cribs, diapers — did I say diapers? — daycare, moving (no way was a baby going to fit in our basement suite), baby clothes, toys, University — by the time the kid is ready to go to university, it ought to cost as much as buying a house — and what about buying a house??? Holy hell, what about the cost of other kids!?!?!!?

*insert mini panic attack here*

All of this took place in a matter of seconds, still in the doctor’s office, holding my wife’s hand while the doctor jabbered on about…something. I think it was vitamins… folic acid or something. I took a breath, slapped myself mentally a few times, and forced myself back to the present. It was utterly amazing to me how my train of thought jumped so far and so intently into the future. This had never happened before, not to this extent. When I first met Robin, one of the reasons I knew we were meant to be together was by a sudden shifting of consciousness, a realisation that I was no longer thinking about the next week, or the next month, or even the next couple of years. I was thinking about my life with her and my life in general in terms of at least 5 to 10 years in the future. I was making real plans — concrete ones. This was huge! Discovering we were going to have a baby was was pretty much the same thing — but on steroids. And this was only the first of many mini attacks since. My mother once actually had to forcibly remind me that the baby won’t be here tomorrow. We had time.

But I’m getting a bit ahead of myself…

You see, it wasn’t like Robin and I weren’t ready — entirely… We had talked often about having a baby in the near future, but, until a few months before the wedding, we had (mostly) decided that we wanted to pay our debt down first. Especially since the last job I had completely screwed me.

It hurt too.

I loved that job.

I was working as a marketing manager and business consultant for an up and coming online business and I was having a great time. I was being creative and contributing to something new and interesting. I was making decent cash. Robin and I had accumulated a bit of debt together moving to another province and planning for our wedding, and I had a significant amount of my own already (*kicks the butt of the student loan devil*), but we were establishing a plan to eat away at that. In short, things were looking pretty good.

Then they screwed me.

I won’t go into the details, but suffice it to say that I was a victim of a dwindling budget and an owner that felt he had gotten everything he needed out of me as the project was entering the next phase.

Bastard.

He screwed a couple other people too, I’ve heard, and the VP thought the situation sucked enough that he quit over it.

Anyway, this threw the proverbial monkeywrench into our plans and we ended up making up the difference with severance pay and credit cards. It nearly derailed our wedding plans. In the end, I ended up going into business for myself as a contractor so as to make ends meet and still give me the flexibility to have time off for the wedding. We were no longer as comfortable, but things seemed to be working out. So, after a bit more discussion, me and Robin decided that we were ready. She would stop taking the pill just before the wedding (so as to keep her fantastic figure for her wedding dress) and we would "see what happens". We didn’t think anything would happen too quickly, as we knew folks who were trying for some time before getting results.

As I mentioned in the previous post… we were wrong. Looks like it happened on the wedding night. What can I say? We’re fertile… Annnd consequently, we were both pleasantly surprised and slightly caught with our pants down — so to speak.

Now back to the needing of a different job…

The new job was kind of fun, and for the most part, I enjoyed it. There were two main problems: the money wasn’t steady enough to be planned on, and the work was proving to be dangerous. I was on the road (driving) 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, in city traffic and like any city, the more you are on the road, the more morons you meet. I began to feel like I was playing the odds, and that they were steadily building against me. I started thinking about aquiring different employment. It was a decision I had made previously, but once we realised that we were pregnant, "started thinking about" became "Now NOW NOW!!!!" I can’t be putting my life at risk when I have a baby on the way, not that kind of risk. Too many variables on the road. And the money… it needs to be steadier, something we can count on… and more! It needs to be more!!! After all there are diapers and clothes and university and… well, you get the idea.

So the hunt is on. It is an annoying, stressful, and generally trying task that I would much rather avoid, but the necessity of it is nipping at my heels, burning at my ass and otherwise driving me onward. The main problem with this job hunting thing is that, of all the things that I am qualified for — and I have done many different things in my short life — there is not one that I want to do again. Ultimately, I want to start my own business and I would like to write — and I would also like to do a hundred other things, all of which I intend to do… once I can afford it. Instead, I am preparing a cover letter to a company that hires people and trains them on the job in the electrician trade. It is my task to convince them that I have the right qualities they need for their business, regardless of the fact that I have no official training or experience.

Good thing I have experience in both writing and marketing, eh?

We’ll see…

But that’s not the only avenue I plan to trudge down. Oh no! Before I relegate myself back to the things I have done before, I will investigate being even a general labourer at a construction site. There are enough of the things around this town right now, and nasty as that work would be at this time of year, I hear it pays up to $24 an hour as a starting rate. The work would suck, but the paycheques would be oh-so-nice.

And like I said… I need money.

I’ve got a baby on the way.

August 23rd... Holy crap, we're pregnant!

nospam@example.com (Bobby) — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 20:43:00 -0600

Wow.

That was all I could say for the first 15 minutes.

Wow…

In retrospect, we probably looked a bit ridiculous, my wife and me, standing there in the bathroom staring at the little stick she had just peed on, periodically swapping our dumbfounded "wow’s" with dumbfounded silence.

The one line is much fainter than the other… does that mean it’s actually negative? Did we read the instructions correctly?

We re-read the instructions.

Wow.

Stunned silence…

But seriously… it couldn’t have happened this soon — could it? I don’t know… That line is really faint. Or is that the other one is really dark? Maybe that’s the one that means we’re pregnant!!

…Are we sure we read the instructions correctly?

We re-read the instructions.

Wow…

Stunned silence…

And so on, and so forth, for the next 15 minutes to half-hour. Eventually, we decided to wait until the next morning, whereupon my wife would take the test again, using the alternate method where she pees in a cup.

Good times.

So the next morning…

Robin wakes me up at 6am and whispers excitedly to me: "We’re pregnant!" and heads off to work. I was still half asleep and was certain I had dreamed it, but no! The test was the same as before! We must be pregnant!

Hmmmm… Better take her to the doctor just to be sure.

The long and the short of it is, the doctor said that not only is she pregnant, she is very pregnant. She had so much of the hormone (hCG: human chorionic gonadotropin) in her system that the test results were confirmed instantly! Apparently, at that time, she was already 5 weeks along. I thought about this for a moment and was struck with a moment of blazing clarity: That was why she had been so weird lately!!! It all made so much sense! That time, a week or so back, when my sister’s kids were visiting, all she did was sleep. More so that her usual napping self, I mean — the woman does love her sleep. Oh!! And that time when she was being so moody and generally bitchy even she commented on it. She had no idea why she was feeling that way, at the time, but… ohhhh hindsight! And the time… well, you get the idea.

So the discovery is in… but what does this mean? Wellll, I’ll tell you: More stunned silence. Accompanied by huge and stupid looking grins.

We’re having a BABY!!!

Progeny…

Little us’s…

Whoo boy.

Man the world is in trouble.